POST PEACH BOWL - END OF SEASON THERAPY

·        (Therapist) Well, well, look whose here.  It’s Buddy Putty, in for his annual ‘there is more to life than OU football’ reality check. What’s wrong Bud, … life in the pits after that Peach Bowl?

·        (The OAS) Haha.  Good to see you haven’t changed. How are you, Doc?

·        (Therapist) I’m great … and one of the reasons that I’m great is due to the fact that my world doesn’t solely revolve around a stupid game played by 18-22 year-old kids in matching outfits.  You should try it.

·        (The OAS) Yeah, Yeah.  I’ll put it on the list.  

·        (Therapist) Sure you will.  Well, before we get started, would you like some coffee or a turnover?  They’re peach – and they’re to die for.

·        (The OAS) Peach.  Turnover.  To die for.  Seriously?

·        (Therapist) Oh, that’s right… You’re a Sooner. I forgot – you'll gag on a peach – and the only thing you know about turnovers – is that they Hurts. 

·        (The OAS) (Sigh) Are you through yet?

·        (Therapist) Oh, don’t be so ‘defensive.’ Wow, when was the last time that was said to a Sooner (laughing) – why aren’t you laughing, this is funny stuff.

·        (The OAS) The whole turnover and defense thing isn’t funny anymore.  All year long I heard our defensive coordinator, Alex Grinch, say over and over again: “Our sole purpose on the field is to get the ball back to the offense somehow, someway. Yet we only forced 11-turnovers all year – which tied the all-time low set last year.

·        (Therapist) Only 11?  Is that what they call a Sooners Dozen?  Okay, that was a cheap shot … but seriously, please tell me you have a little more depth about you than to let something as irrelevant as a lack of turnovers effect your life.

·        (The OAS) Speaking of depth – How can a program as prominent as OU, have so little depth on defense? When Kenneth Murray left the game against LSU – his replacement was a walk-on who came into the game having made only 8-more tackles on the year than I had.  We lost one safety before the game to injury and another during the game to stupidity – and as a result – we had two guys straight out of the witness protection program on the field going up against a Heisman QB. The only chance of seeing those two even close to an LSU receiver would be if you ran the game film in reverse.

·        (Therapist)  You know, this whole conversation is so ridiculous.  I always have such high expectations for you when you come in here – only to continually be disappointed. Sometimes I think it would be easier if you didn’t have so much potential.

·        (The OAS) I know, right?  So much potential - but yet it's been 19 seasons since we've won a title. That is 5-seasons longer than the 14 years between Barry Switzer’s last title and the 2000 title in Bob Stoops’ second season. But during this current 19-season drought, OU has won at least 10-games 16 times, won a dozen Big 12 Crowns and has an overall record of 206-49 (.808 winning %). Hell, four Sooners have even won the Heisman. 

·        (Therapist) Is there a point here soon … or do you just enjoy making my ears bleed with this useless rhetoric?

·        (The OAS) My point is that there are 130 FBS teams, almost all of which enter every season knowing that there is basically a 0% chance of them winning the national title.  At OU, our expectations are to win national championships. Even though that hasn’t happened in nearly two decades, we’ve been painfully close. We lost BCS Title games in 2003, ’04 and ’08, and reached the College Football Playoff in 2015, ’17, ’18 and ’19. It’s a …

·        (Therapist) First of all … stop with the ‘we’ and ‘us’ and ‘our’ because you’re not on the team, so stop insulting the player who actually are.  Secondly, so the school you attended is the Buffalo Bills of college football – so what?  At least you’re not a Longhorn fan.

·        (The OAS) Okay, both good points, but damn … aren’t therapists supposed to listen and not interrupt? You talk more than a book-on-tape narrator.

·        (Therapist) Aren’t 54-yr. old men supposed to be above breaking lamps and cussing like you have Tourette Syndrome during a football game.

·        (The OAS) Anyway … where was I.

·        (Therapist) Yata, yata, we suck at winning the big game, yata, yata, we’re everybody’s playoff bitch, yata, yata …

·        (The OAS) Oh ya … Well, it’s a tough balance.  Knowing we weren't that good, some of my friends would’ve actually preferred that we didn’t make the playoffs this year.

·        (Therapist) That’s hard to believe.

·        (The OAS) That they didn’t want us to make the playoffs? I know, right?

·        (Therapist) No, I was talking about the part where you said you had friends. 

·        (The OAS) And another thing I'll say is that I’m very glad that Jalen Hurts is gone. He was the most over-rated thing since soap-on-a-rope.  Not only did he continually miss seeing wide open receivers and turn our running backs into spectators -  but he also gave up balls at a rate that would make Bruce Jenner envious. I think he might have been the worst QB to ever get invited to the Heisman ceremony – don’t you think?

·        (Therapist) What do I think? Since seldom do people care about criticism that comes from someone they wouldn’t consult advice from - I think that Jalen Hurts could give a shit about what you think.  It's amazing to me that someone like you, who’s never played a snap of college football, and whose 40-yard dash could be timed with a sun-dial – is criticizing a young man who won a national championship, went 38-4 as a starter and finished second in the Heisman voting.  

·        (The OAS) Wow.  When you put it like that, it doesn’t make me sound very good. Are you sure it's not about the titles?

·        (Therapist) Yes, I'm sure.  Maybe you should concentrate on the impact your having on things in your life – and less about the mark other are making in their lives.

·        (The OAS) Maybe so - but this seems a lot easier.

·        (Therapist) Yes, I can see why you'd think that - figuring yourself out would require an intellect that seems to elude you.  Well, time is up - thank God.  Since I was kind of hard on you today – instead of $150.00 - Just write me a check for $63.28.

·        (The OAS) 63-28. Really? You couldn’t just let it go could you?

·        (Therapist) No, I guess not. But honestly, Buddy – think about what I said.  When you come in next year hopefully you’ll have grown some as a person.

·        (The OAS) Sure, sure … but speaking of next year ... I think things are going to be different. Have you heard about our 5-Star QB, Spencer Rattler?

Only 242 more days until kickoff.

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy -

The Overweight Armchair Sooner 

- Buddy Putty