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| BIG TEX 2013 |
The 2012 State Fair marked Big Tex's 60th year as the Fair Park center piece but before the sexagenarian celebration could commence, tragedy struck. Investigators cite an electrical short from within the 4 story fiberglass cowboy as the cause for the blaze...but regardless of how it started, Big Tex as we knew him was no longer.
They said they could rebuild him. They had the technology to make him bigger, stronger and even more fire retardant than ever before….and so they did.
On September 26th, Big Tex 2.0 was unveiled during the 2013 State Fair opening ceremonies. Recently the OAS was granted the opportunity to have a one on one visit with the Texas State Fair legend….here is how it went:
The OAS: Big Tex, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with me today. How are you my friend?
BIG TEX: Word up
The OAS: Excuse me?
BIG TEX: I said, word up
The OAS: Oh please. Word up…What's that all about? What happened to the traditional: 'Hoooowwwdee Foooollllks and welcome to the State Fair of Texas’ greeting that we’ve all come to know over the years?
BIG TEX: I think I got a little burnt out on that old school stuff. The new BT is gonna be a little more hip, more fresh, more gangsta.
The OAS: So you're BT now? Well, BT...Have you glanced at a mirror lately? You’re new look is hardly ‘gangsta.’
BIG TEX: I could be gangsta. Think of me as a four story Vanilla Ice.
The OAS: Vanilla Ice? (laughing) It’s hard to think Vanilla Ice, when what I see is more like Hee Haw Ice. Dude, no offense, but you look like what could happen if someone down at the sperm bank mixed together Ron Howard and Alfalfa from Our Gang. Who was your artist, Aunt B? I hate to be the one who breaks this news to you, but with the look you're throwing down you're about as gangsta as Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street.
BIG TEX: Just tryin’ to keep it real ‘my shizzle.’
The OAS: Don’t you mean ‘sizzle.’
BIG TEX: Hey, that’s not funny. No fire jokes
The OAS: Oh, that reminds me…I’m recording this for my blog and need to put in a plug for my sponsors…you don’t mind do you?
BIG TEX: Go ahead my nizzle
The OAS: Today’s OAS Blog is brought to you by:
Duraflame: America's #1 Fire Log. ‘Start your fire with Duraflame’…and by Kingsford Charcoal: For a fire that is ready faster and burns longer, it's got to be Kingsford…and by Up in Smoke: The official smoke shop of the OAS Blog
BIG TEX: Is the fact that I was involved in a minor yet traumatic fire related incident last fall funny to you? Are you always so insensitive? Do you always find humor in other peoples misfortune?
The OAS: 'Minor' fire related incident? Big Tex…you were…
BIG TEX: Please…call me BT
The OAS: Okay…whatever you say BT, but that was hardly a minor fire related incident. In mere minutes, you went from being a larger than life Texas icon to the scrap heap.
BIG TEX: Are we still talking about me…or did we transition to Mack Brown somehow and I just didn’t pick up on it?
The OAS: Funny, but we are still talking about you.
BIG TEX: You’re right, but it upsets me that there are people out there who think that the blaze that took me down was caused by some sort of internal electrical short.
The OAS: Well, that's what happened isn't it?
BIG TEX: No, not at all. In fact it had nothing to do with me at all. It was all former Texas Defensive Coordinator Manny Diaz’s fault.
The OAS: Come on BT. Nice try. Coach Diaz is getting blamed for a lot of things these days, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the reason you caught on fire.
BIG TEX: Are you sure? He was in charge of the Longhorn defense and look how bad they've been getting scorched.
The OAS: Funny...you're on fire with these jokes.
BIG TEX: Again with the fire humor
The OAS: My point is, just because the Texas defense hasn't been playing well doesn’t mean he lit you up. Besides, if you are looking for a good defense...Manny Diaz might not be the guy you want to choose. It didn’t work out to well for Mack Brown.
BIG TEX: Good point my nizzle.
The OAS: Quit saying that…You’re creeping me out.
BIG TEX: Okay, so it wasn't Manny's fault, but in all seriousness…it wasn’t my fault either.
The OAS: Then what happened?
BIG TEX: The people from the State Fair food court tried to deep fry me. That's what they do here at the State Fair of Texas. They fry everything. First it was deep fried bacon and then it was butter. Hell, they even tried to deep fry beer. I knew after that it was just a matter of time until they came after me.
The OAS: Alright...whatever you say...let's move on.
BT, take us back to the beginning...where and when did all this Big Tex stuff get started for you.
BIG TEX: The first time all my pieces were put into place was in Kerens, Texas back in 1949. Funny thing is, and not many people know this, but originally I was a forty-nine foot paper-mache Santa Claus, not a cowboy.
The OAS: So what happened to your gig as Big St. Nick?
BIG TEX: After two years the novelty of having a giant Santa standing around wore off on the locals and I was purchased by Texas State Fair President R.L. Thornton for $750 and moved to Fair Park.
The OAS: How did that go? Were you well received in and around Fair Park?
BIG TEX: Well received? I was about as popular as a police lineup.
The OAS: Why was that?
BIG TEX: Turns out the woman in the area didn't care to have some oversized white guy in a red suit standing around blurting out ho, ho, ho every 15 minutes. Said they didn't need another pimp in the area, especially one my size. Said if they didn't get rid of me that somebody was gonna, and I quote, "Put a cap in my large white Santa Claus ass."
The OAS: Never heard of someone threatening to shoot Santa before. Tough crowd.
BIG TEX: I doubt Santa ever spent a June evening hanging out near Fair Park expressing a sentiment that could be mistakenly interpreted as a disparaging remark about the morals of the local female populace.
The OAS: Good point...and eloquently articulated I might add. So then what happened?
BIG TEX: The powers that be decided to transform me into a cowboy for the State Fair that year. That was 1952 and I have been Big Tex ever since.
The OAS: Tell me what the OU/Texas fans coming out this weekend should expect to hear from the new BT and please tell me that there it is something besides the gangsta b.s. you are throwing down.
BIG TEX: I am capable of saying a lot more things than I could before. The final touches are being worked out here in the eleventh hour...but I can give you a few examples:
"Hey fat girl over in the turkey leg line;
haven't you already had two of those?"
"Smoking is strictly prohibited within 200 feet of me. Violators will receive a size 70 boot in their ass"
...and my personal favorite...
"Fire Mack Brown, not Big Tex"
BIG TEX: One interesting fact is that since I arrived in 1952 the two teams are 29-29-3
The OAS: So do you have a favorite between the two schools?
BIG TEX: No, no...I just want to see a good ballgame and hope that nobody gets hurt.
The OAS: That is kind of hard to believe...I mean this is the Texas State Fair after all...you can't tell me that you don't at least lean toward the Longhorns
BIG TEX: Please don't say lean...that's not funny either.
The OAS: Sorry...but if you had to pick one side; you would have to go with your home state team wouldn't you?
BIG TEX: I guess...but I have always rooted more for the players than the schools. Some of my favorites players are from Texas are: Cotton Speyrer, Eric Metcalf, Colt McCoy and Ox Eckhardt. From Oklahoma my favorites are Reggie Barnes and Leon 'Mule Train' Heath...and of course Buster Rhymes who later went on to became a famous rapper
The OAS: Hate to burst your rapper bubble, but I think the rapper you are talking about is Busta Rhymes, not the former OU wideout Buster Rhymes
BIG TEX: My bad, my shizzle
The OAS: Right. Anything else?
BIG TEX: Well...off the record...I will tell you this...I like the Oklahoma Sooners colors much more than I do the Longhorn's.
The OAS: Really...a fan of the crimson and cream are you?
BIG TEX: Not so much that I like crimson and cream...but more the fact that I'm just not a fan of burnt orange. Know what I mean?
The OAS: Got ya. Thanks for your time BT....see ya on Saturday for the 31st straight year.
BIG TEX: word to your mother
Just the opinion of one mildly interested guy
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Buddy Putty
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