'Cocks in a Cakewalk

 South Carolina 35 Oklahoma 9 

I made a pledge going into this season, the Sooners first in the SEC, that I wasn’t going to be so negative and critical with my posts this year.  I was going to do a better job of remembering that the student athletes that I am living vicariously through have exponentially more talent than I ever had and are doing the best they can. Yes, OAS 2.o would be a kinder, gentler, more understanding version than the nutjob I've been in the past. If I can't say anything nice, I just wouldn't say anything at all - which is why I've posted zero blogs this year. But it hasn't been easy being mute ... like game 1 for example ...

Temple -It would’ve been easy to dwell on the fact that the Sooners were 1 for 13 on third down, or that the last time someone spent a Friday night being harassed, pressured, and sacked by a Temple Owl the way Jackson Arnold was – they were on a date with Bill Cosby. But I bit my tongue. 

But that vow is now over. I’m moving my ‘only gonna be positive’ vow over to my New Years resolution list, which is where I keep all my other unrealistic proclamations, because I can’t let the South Carolina game go without saying something.

 “I have the right to remain silent – just not the ability” – Comedian, Ron White

 I sat down with my bloody-mary at 11:47 AM as South Carolina kicked off.  First play - Michael Hawkins throws an interception, which wasn’t even the worst part of the play. The most egregious part was that someone on the OU coaching staff thought it would be a good idea to have tight end Baur Sharp, who couldn’t block a man hole cover, try to block South Carolina’s All-SEC and future first round draft pick – defensive end, Kyle Kennard. Why not also ask Sharp to cure cancer and balance the budget while he's at it? The block went as expected – Kennard went by Sharp like sh** through a goose, which flushed Hawkins out of the pocket, at which time he threw the kind of pass freshman QB’s throw when being pressured – late, underthrown and picked off by a Gamecock defensive back with a lot of vowels in his last name.  28 seconds, two or three missed tackles and a chair launched into the pool later … 7-0 Gamecocks.

After I’m told that Ford is the best in Texas, and Coach Saban, Deion, and a duck try to sell me some insurance, USC (no, not that one) kicks off again. After a couple of false hope first downs, it’s time for OU tight end Jake Roberts to try his blocking skills on a different USC (no, again, not that one) defensive end.  Shockingly (sarcasm), the result was the same. The pressure causes Hawkins to tiptoe to his right - where he is rammed by a ‘Cock defensive back (insert joke here). Of course, Hawkins fumbles … at which point USC’s (still not that one) Tonka Hemingway (no relation) scoops it up on a bounce. Despite Tonka “Truck” Hemingway (still no relation) being on the same diet I am, he runs untouched 38-yards for the score. Chair 2 launched into the pool. Score … 14-0 Gamecocks.

After an emu and a guy with a toothpick in his mouth promise me ‘I would only pay for what I need’ and ironically, an infomercial for erectile disfunction, the ‘Cocks kick it deep again. After a couple decent running plays got the Sooners a first down, OU offensive coordinator decided he was tired of his job and called an poorly-designed pass play. While Hawkins dropped back to pass, OU left tackle Michael Tarquin, who evidently learned to pass block from one of our tight ends, whiffs in a pitiful attempt to block USC (sigh, no –still the other one) defensive end Dylan Stewart. Stewart hits Hawkins as he’s throwing, but Hawkins was still able to complete the pass, hitting his new favorite target – the Gamecock defensive back with a lot of vowels in his last name - on the dead run.  In addition to not being able to enunciate his name, I guess no one thought they could tackle him either … because the only thing worse than the pass protection and throw, was the effort made by the entire OU offense to tackle Vowel Guy. There is now an entire outdoor dining set in the deep end of my pool, but at least I’m accurate with my throws … Score: 21-0 Gamecocks.

At this point, the positive OAS.2 is thinking … It's only 6 minutes into the game, so there is lots of time left. The Sooners are at home, they have an above average defense (that is well rested, ha), you’d like to think there is hope that they could come back to win the game. 

The OAS.1 is thinking … It’s only 6 minutes into the game, so there is a lot of time left for this to get a lot worse. The Sooners are at home – but by now, so is the entire student section. The Sooners defense will need to score – a lot, for OU to come back and win this game … plus … Unless Michael Phelps shows up and gets one of my chairs out of my pool, I’m going to have to stand the rest of the game.

But it's hard to have hope when…

• Your offensive line could be confused for turnstiles at an amusement park – giving up 9-sacks on Saturday and 14 in the last two games.
• You have two quarterback who are handing out turnovers like they own a non-profit bakery.
• 8 of your 15 offensive possessions result in turnovers or turnover on downs, and three others drives result in 3 and outs.
• When you rush for a net 57 yards, fumble 6 times, and your tight ends catch about as well as they block
• When a receiver breaks open deep for an easy TD, but your QB overthrows him by 10 yards
• When two players on the defense jump off-sides on 4^th and 4 when the whole stadium knows the other team is just trying to pull someone offsides.

Bottom line – and this is where I’m gonna be positive … I’m positive about the fact that this Oklahoma Sooners football team is a poorly coached, below average to bad football team. Through 7 games OU has shown itself to be light years away from competing at a level necessary to be in the top tier of the SEC. The Sooners currently sit at 4-3 … which means they need two wins to be bowl eligible. But that won't happen - not with 4-top 15 ranked opponents on the schedule, three of which are on the road. This team is headed for 5-7 at best, and that is assuming they beat Maine. A record of 5-7 means that for the first time since the John Blake era a quarter century ago (1998), the Sooners won’t be in a bowl game. They would also enter the offseason with a long list of questions, none more pressing than whether or not Brent Venables is the right man for this job. 

My advice - Buckle up Sooner Nation – because in my opinion, this is gonna get worse before it gets better … which is not good news for my pool guy.

 Boomer -

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner

Buddy Putty