GAMEDAY
OU vs. BYU (Dallas, TX)


“Oh, my mamma told me, there’ll be days like this” –Van Morrison

Game Day…Dress for success by The OAS

A new season means new game-day stuff for The OAS. The first item on the off-season shopping list is always the new OU game-day polo by Nike. Yes, I know that I have 30 other Sooner shirts hanging in the closet. And yes, I realize that the 2009 Nike version will differ very little from those I purchased the previous three seasons…but out of respect for the team, I just think it’s important to a least start the season wearing something you haven’t stained with mustard or puked taco bell on yet.

I usually buy my shirts on-line because it is so easy, but I do miss the reaction I use to get from store clerks when I told them I was looking for something ‘drunk casual’ in a XXL.

I am sad to report that my favorite OU visor was unable to recover from the unfortunate and tragic accident that occurred after last January’s Orange Bowl. After an exhaustive off-season search, a suitable replacement was finally found, as was a back up. Saturday I chose to wear the white visor that the store described as the ‘OU Sooners Stoops Coaching Visor’…I must have bought the BCS Bowl version of the OU Sooners Stoops Coaching visor. I am sad to report that my new favorite OU visor was unable to recover from the unfortunate and tragic accident that occurred after Saturday nights BYU game.

My brown leather OU belt coordinated beautifully with my flip-flops, proving once again that The OAS can be both sensible and stylish. The shirt, visor and belt, put me at my fan fashion limit…which is my self imposed rule of never wearing more than three clothing items at a time adorned with OU….You want the fashion look you’re throwing down to say: Look at me, I’m a serious fan…not…Look at me, I just beat up Vanna White and took all her vowels.

The OAS Game-Day Tailgate Report
I love the 6:00 PM kick-off. It just allows the whole day to fall into place.

6:00-6:01 AM: Get up…take a piss… go back to bed. 9:00 AM: Get up…turn on GameDay…go back to bed. 10:00 AM: Breakfast of donuts and bloddy-mary’s…in bed. 11:00 AM: Load enough beer and liquor into the SUV that should there be a wreck…life jackets would make more sense than seat belts Noon: Fill flasks, secure game tickets and start threatening to leave anyone that is not ready to go in exactly one hour….have a beer to calm the nerves 12:30: Call John Payne to see if he is still coming or not…drink a beer to calm the nerves. 12:40: Spend some last chance quality time in the bathroom while wondering if John Payne is going to show up or not. 1:00: Set to pull away, but no one else is ready. Have a beer to calm the nerves. Wonder if John Payne is going to be mad that I left him. 1:30 Finally leave the house to head to the tailgate spot. 1:31 Go back to the house to get whatever it was, that whoever it was forgot. 2:15 Arrive at the parking lot 2:16 hand parking pass to parking lot person (SEE PICTURE ABOVE) 2:17 parking lot person thanks you and smiles…at which time you notice the parking lot person has metal teeth 2:19: Mention to the parking lot person that you think it might be possible for Martha Stewart to make a toaster and half a blender from all the metal in his mouth. 2:20: Invite parking lot person to our tailgate. 2:21: Try not to act like I was kidding when he agrees to join us 2:22: Stare in amazement that John Payne beat me to the spot. 2:23: Apologize to John Payne for not remembering what the plan was. 2:24: Try to get my high dollar, Portable Satellite DirecTv to work 2:40: Normally reliable TV wont get reception…ask parking lot person if he would stand next to the TV and let me use his bicuspid’s as an antenna 2:50: Blow off TV and spend the next hour and a half drinking and discussing the merits of flossing with the parking lot person 4:15: Flock to the air-conditioned oasis of Jerry’s World…4:30 Successfully sneak a flask the size of a football past Barney Fife at the front door of Jerry’s World 5:00 Watch several video’s on incredible 11,500 sq ft., 60 yard long HD Jumbotron. 5:30 Start heading for the seats, which courtesy of David Barnes, are located on the 40 yard line of the club level (Thanks again, David) 5:45 Notice that seats are in the BYU section…wonder to myself if the Mormons have ever experienced hearing the f-word used as a noun, verb and adjective in the same sentence like I am capable of doing during an OU game. 5:50 buy an eight dollar cup of ice. 5:51 Poor large amount of Crown Royal over the $8 cup of ice 5:56 Watch the Sooner Schooner, pulled by Boomer and Sooner, take the field…5:59 Watch the Sooners take the field and smile for the last time all night.

Pony Poop.
Occasionally something will happen in the first few minutes of a football game that sets the tone for how things will go the rest of the night. That something is usually a turnover…a big hit…or someone returning a kick for a touchdown. Saturday night…it was pony poop.

The Sooner Schooner is a Conestoga (a fancy word for covered wagon) reminiscent of the one used by pioneers who settled the Oklahoma Territory around the time of the 1889 Land Run. The wagon, first introduced at OU in 1964, is driven by a member of the Ruf/Nek spirit squad and powered by matching white ponies named Boomer and Sooner. Are you with me so far?

Anyway, one of the traditional duties of the Schooner is to lead the team onto the field before every game….which is why the Schooner was positioned on the field near the south end-zone shortly before kickoff last Saturday night.

One of the traditional duties of a pony is to take very large dumps…which is why there was a mammoth crap positioned on the 2 yard line near the south end-zone shortly before kickoff last Saturday night.

Typical Okies, right? Invite us to a party at your brand new $1.3 billion home and what do we do? We bring along a couple of midget, albino ponies and laugh as one of them drops a 4 pound steamer on your new carpet. Hey, shit happens, right? Problem is, shit continued to happed all night…and I promise you, no one in the Sooner Nation thought it was very funny.

The Game

“Oh, the last one hurt like hell, knocked the wind right out of my sails, I’ll be alright in time, but it’s gonna leave a beauty of a scar.” --Radney Foster

Unbelievable. I don’t know whether it was the fact that: it was the opening game of the season, or that we looked so unprepared, or that our Heisman Trophy winning QB was knocked out of the game, or that the Morman’s seemed unaffected by my cussing, or that I ran out of crown in the 4th quarter…but yes, this one hurt like hell.

I spent way more time than I should of last week trying to write something about this game in the blog…something funny, or insightful or uplifting….but I had a big bag of nothing to show for it.

I have decided that there is not much need to re-live the low-lights, you know what happened and how the game ended up. I think with this game, it is best to just put it behind us....at least until my therapist returns my phone call.

Just the Opinion of one extremely disappointed Sooner fan

The Overweight Armchair Sooner

Buddy Putty