DEAR JOHN LETTER TO LANDRY JONES

(Sorry it's a little long this week...for some reason I had a lot to say!)

“It’s over: Two words…Three vowels…Four consonants…Seven letters.  It can either cut you open to the core, leaving you in ungodly pain…or it can free your soul and lift a tremendous weight off your shoulders”     –Maggi Richard

Dear Landry:

This letter is to inform you that I no longer wish to continue our relationship.  Yes, that’s right…I’m breaking up.  Yes, I realize that we've done this before, but this time it’s different, this time it’s for real. This time, we won't be making-up, nor will there be any begging to get back together.  There won't be any couple’s therapy, or QB camp, nor any extra time spent watching film. I won’t be changing my mind, nor will I be having a change of heart.  The bridge is burnt, the curtain has dropped and the fat lady has sung.  This manic, rollercoaster ride we’ve been on for the last three years has just came to a screeching f-ing halt…in fact…I’m surprised The Purple Wildcat out front of Gaylord Memorial Stadium didn’t tell you. Yes, Landry….this thing between you and me…it’s over. 

I’m sorry that it's come to this, I really am. I haven’t had to break up with an OU quarterback since I left Eric Moore for Justin Fuente back in 1997...but I am just too unhappy to go on like this anymore.  Truth be told, I had secretly wished for you to turn pro after last season so the possibility of something like this wouldn’t exist…but you didn’t. Once I heard the news that you were returning, I'll admit that I was more excited than I was disappointed.  Maybe I thought I'd miss you, or that I'd be unable to replace you with someone I cared about…I don’t know exactly why, but I let myself fall for you again. That was obviously a big mistake. Just like that 39 game home winning streak we use to have...this thing between you and me…it’s over.

I apologize for airing our dirty laundry in print…I would've preferred to just scream obscenities at you anonymously from the stands or maybe call into one of the sports radio talk show as “Bobby from Bixby” and rant about how much you suck like most normal OU fans do…but I'm just too upset, to emotional.  Maybe I just needed you to know how disappointed I am…or maybe I thought a public break up might serve as some sort of exorcism- or maybe the reason I’m writing this letter is that I needed a forum in which to ask you the following question: how is it even f-ing possible for a fifth year senior to play as shitty as you did last Saturday night?  Just like the unbeaten series record we use to have against Baylor….this thing between you and me…it’s over.

I remember when we first met.  It was in Dallas…September of 2009 and we were playing BYU in the season opener.  I was seeing Heisman Trophy winner Sam Bradford at the time.  Sam and I had been together for two years and I thought we were in a really good place; but unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, our relationship would soon become more than he could shoulder.  With Sam lying on the Cowboy Stadium turf, your image was suddenly flashed onto the giant Jumbotron.  The shock of realizing that you were going into the game, combined with the panic of trying to find your helmet gave your eyes a look normally found on a deer…right before it becomes a hood ornament.  You were so young, so naive…nothing more than a baby faced QB from New Mexico with a big arm and a horribly bad 70’s porn mustache. Looking back, I guess you could say the porn ‘stache was a sign….cause Landry you have been screwing us ever since. Landry…just like The Beatles, typewriters, pay phones, soap-on-a-rope and demands for your autograph …this thing between you and me…it’s over.

Look, I know I'm not without fault here.  I realize now that in the beginning I was so enamored with your cannon of an arm, that I was willing to overlook other things…things that would eventually become fatal to our long term relationship.  Your poor footwork, your inability or unwillingness to look off safeties and your dreadful play on the road were all things that I guess I thought would change. I thought you'd grow up.  I assumed that you'd learn from your previous failures.  I held onto the hope that one day the light would come on for you…and when it did, you'd lead us to the Promised Land.  Yo, Landry…I’ve been to Shreveport my man…and it ain’t the Promised Land.  I believed in you, defended you to my friends…but after Saturday night…just like our national title dreams, the disco era, & RJ Washington’s NFL career, this thing between you and me…it’s over.

“Can you ever remember a time when we couldn’t stand to be apart, a time when we enjoyed every single moment that we were together?” - Yep, me neither

Look, don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying that we didn’t ever have a good time or a great moment together…cause we did…But even the good times and great moments that you were able to cook up from time to time, too often were accompanied with an unnecessary side order of trauma or drama that was hard to swallow.  For example: In 2010 you threw for 468 yards and 4 TD’s to beat OSU in Stillwater. But it took a liter of Crown Royal that night to help me digest the fact that you also threw 3 INT’s, including one that was returned for a TD that almost cost us the game.  Yes, you won a BCS Bowl game…which is a pretty big deal when you take into consideration that neither of OU’s Heisman Trophy winning QB’s can make that claim.  In fact, not since Nate Hybl gave me Roses in 2003 had a QB done that for me…but again, you even made winning that 2010 Fiesta Bowl harder than it needed to be. That pick 6 you threw just before half allowed an overmatched UConn team to hang around in the game way longer than they should've.  Then in 2011, with our backs against the wall and the Seminole war chant ringing in our ears, you took us the length of the field to win on the road in Tallahassee. It was a great drive and a great win, but it was made necessary in part because of the two INT’s you'd thrown earlier in the game.  

But Landry…I challenge anyone that doesn’t require a dog and a stick to cross a busy street, to find one positive thing about your performance last Saturday night.  The best thing I can come up with is that it might actually of been the most consistent you have been in a game your entire career.  From Star Spangle Banner to ‘Please Drive Home Safely’ you truly sucked. But amongst all the stupid shit you did Saturday night, there is one moment that to me, will forever be your signature Sooner QB moment…and the moment that I knew…just like Milli Vanilli, New Coke, The Berlin Wall and John Travolta’s heterosexual status…this thing between you and me….it’s over.

The score was 3-0 OU…it was third and long…you were deep in your own territory…You dropped back…you had time…you made your reads…and decided nobody was open.  This is where a younger, inexperienced 2010 Landry Jones might've made a game changing mistake...but this was no young, inexperienced Landry…This was 2012 fifth year senior Landry…the four year starter Landry…this Landry has been in this type situation before and learned from it….right Landry? Hello?

…we interrupt this 2012 bone-head Landry Jones moment….in order to flashback to this 2010 Landry Jones bone-head moment…

Surely you know what situation I am talking about…2010, Cotton Bowl, Texas Longhorns, OU winning 28-20, 3rd and long, deep in your own territory. Anything ring a bell yet?   

Ok…you drop back to throw…you have time, but nobody is open so you start to waddle to your right like a fat girl headed to the turkey leg line. I scream NO please don’t, you hold the ball out like its water for a marathon runner, I scream NO again only louder with an obscenity attached, then too nobody’s surprise but yours, you're caught and hit near your own goal line. Remember now?

I scream &%#*, you fumble, I scream &%#* again only louder, and then watch in horror as the five Longhorns who gang tackled you, lunge toward the ball.  Amazingly, it somehow rolls out of bounds. I pound down some Crown and give a nod of thanks to God above and start the process of apologizing to all those around me that deserve one, which is ¾ of section 24. Catastrophe is adverted, your life is spared, we win the game and I go drink with my friend Big Tex. Anything?

I guess the fact that you don’t remember makes sense, because if you had remembered then you might of learned from it. If you had, then maybe you'd have done what you were supposed to do when you found yourself in such an eerily similar situation Saturday night.  What you should have done was throw the ball to Bill and Eileen Wickersham. The Wickersham’s live in Guthrie where they raise two kids, run a small business and attend the First Baptist Church on most Sunday’s. They also happen to sit in seats 6 & 7 on the 16^th row of section 32 during OU home games…section 32 is located on the east side of the stadium…and most importantly, it is at least 30 yards from the nearest KSU defender. 

But you didn’t throw the ball to the nice people from Guthrie did you Landry? Instead, you decide to ‘roll out and try to make something happen.’  There are so many things wrong about this choice that it makes my head hurt.  First of all, you’re not the f-ing Make a Wish Foundation, so quit trying to ‘make something happen’. Making something happen is what redshirt freshman do right before they get benched.  Secondly, you run like you should have a Jerry Lewis hosted telethon named after you.  I could be wrong, but rarely would I think it a good idea for people whose forty yard dash times are recorded with a sun dial, to try and use speed as a way to avoid crisis, but that’s just my opinion. Third and most importantly, is the fact that you've done this kind of thing before and should've known better than to try and do it again.

But clearly you never learn and you’re never going to change because…You waddle to your right like a Kardashian girl chasing a camera…all the while holding the ball like you’re allergic to it.  Before I can even cuss you, you've been sacked. One cue, you fumble…on cue, I spew Crown Royal.  The 14 K-State players surrounding the ball play rock-paper-scissors to determine who gets to score the easiest TD in Wildcats history.  I start dialing American Airlines to cancel the plane tickets I recently bought to Morgantown…just like pet rocks, answering machines, Dick Clark and OU’s top 10 ranking…this thing between you and me….it’s over.

Landry…you and I…we just aren’t a good match.   When it comes to making good decisions at crucial moments, it’s like you turn into Charlie Sheen in a helmet and shoulder pads. Look, I like Charlie Sheen, been known to do an imitation or two of him myself from time to time…but I don’t want a relationship with the guy. Maybe even that would be all right if I were equipped with the proper anger management skills necessary to handle you’re never ending bone head mistakes like an adult….but I’m not.  The bottom line is that after last Saturday night, I don’t trust you anymore.  It was one thing to act like an idiot when you were young and playing on the road…but now as a red-shirt senior you've brought that brain-dead shit into our home…and that…I can’t and won’t tolerate.

Hell, come to think of it, Charlie Sheen would be a better choice at QB than you Landry…at least he is winning.

Landry, just like this Dear John Letter…you and me….it’s over.

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner

SNAKE OF THE NON-VENOMOUS NATURE

2012 OKLAHOMA SOONERS INTRO VIDEO
If this doesn't give you chicken skin, then you are simply not a Sooner fan...there is only ONE OKLAHOMA 

 

I don't like spiders and snakes…and that ain't what it takes to love me…like I want to be loved by you" -Spiders & Snakes – Jim Stafford

The Sooners opened the home portion of their 2012 schedule last Saturday night with a 69-13 victory over the Florida A&M Rattlers. For OU, it was the third straight year that the second game on the schedule featured a foe from Tallahassee, Florida...and for the third straight year, the Sooners emerged from the game victorious. But if you're thinking about humming 'I Got You Babe', don't…because this is where any similarities that would make this some sort of Floridian Football Groundhog Day end.

In 2010 and 2011, the victories were against Florida State, a top ranked team rich in talent and tradition. The victories were impressive and bequeathed the Sooner Nation with some confidence and swagger going into conference play. That is not the pervasive sentiment after Saturday night's win. In fairness, the game against the Rattlers was a no-win game for the Sooners. If they play poorly, then they would get blasted for doing so. If they play well and win big…the response is either indifference because of opponent, or ridicule for running up the score. But that being said, Saturday night's win over Florida A&M, a FCS Division I school and 50 point underdog, did nothing to subside the concerns that emanated from the lackluster win over UTEP.

Yes, OU fans can be spoiled and hard to please at times, but a second straight week of dropping a spot in the AP Poll would indicate that others outside of the Sooner Nation are equally unimpressed by what they have seen from OU so far. The Sooners have an extra week to practice and prepare for what looks like a pretty good K-State team coming to Norman. From what this fan saw on the field against FAMU, that extra time is a good thing…
As Jim Stafford might say...'beating snakes is great, but that ain't what it takes to love you'...you gotta beat K State 'for me to love you, like you want to be loved by me.'

"And in the naked light I saw, ten thousand people, maybe more…people talking without speaking…people hearing without listening…people writing songs that voices never share…and no one dared…disturb the sound…of silence." Sounds of Silence – Simon & Garfunkel

Saturday night's game was the 81^st consecutive sell-out at Oklahoma's Memorial Stadium…which just goes to show…a large crowd does not automatically equate to being…a loud crowd. I'm not sure that I've ever been to an OU game where the crowd was that quite…not even a spring game. How quiet was it you ask? It was so silent you could almost hear the fans on the east (opposite) side yawn. It was almost like the PA announcer had asked the crowd too: "please bow your head and join me in recognizing this game with a few hours of silence." Seriously, at times it felt like being at church, except that it wasn't Christmas Eve, my mom wasn't forcing me to be there and when you gave money to the guy at the end of the row, you got peanuts back. What I'm trying to say is…it was not a loud crowd.

I really thought coming into the season that R.J. Washington was finally ready to live up to the hype that made him the nation's top recruit in the 2008 class. After spending a lot of time focusing on his play Saturday night, all I have to say is….Oops…my bad. Look…I also thought OJ would be found guilty and that Starbucks was a bad idea…so it's not like I was on some sort of prognostication unbeaten streak…but that being said, it still would have been nice to have him emerge into a defensive difference maker this year. My next prediction: is that before I have learned how to pronounce his name, Chuka Ndulue will replace RJ in the starting line-up. (P.S…If I was Teddy Lehman or Tinker Owens, I would ask Washington to switch back to #91…cause his play so far is not doing much for #11 jersey sales.)

Good to see Mike Stoops screaming at teenagers on the OU sideline again. Mike looks like he ate well during his time in Tucson…the added weight makes me think he is on the same diet I am. Hey Mike…you might want to mix in a salad with that cover-two every once in a while…just sayin'.

Kenny Stills had a big night….10 catches for 120 yards and a TD. Stills dropped a perfect strike from Landry that would have been a second TD….but he also made a terrific one handed, highlight reel catch that showed he is not afraid to go over the middle like some have suggested. I have no comment on his yellow Mohawk hair-do…keep having 10 catch games and I won't care if he sports a chartreuse mullet.

New item at the concession stand….Parmesan French fries.

The second largest cheer of the night came when freshman wide-out Sterling Shepard caught his first pass as a Sooner. Shepard, from Heritage Hall in OKC, wears #3 just like his father Derrick did when he played WR and returned punts for the Sooners from 1983-1986…the largest cheer of the night? It was reserved for former Sooner All-American and NBA All-Star Blake Griffin. As a football fan, I can't help but daydream about what kind of TE Blake might have been.

Trey Metoyer…made great catch for a TD…his timing with Landry looked a lot better.

The highlight of the night was undoubtedly…Justin Brown. While the Penn State transfer had 2 catches for 55 yards, it is his ability to return punts that has OU fans excited. He had three returns for 102 yards…including one for 62 yards. Twice his returns had the Sooners offense starting inside the Rattlers 20. I do hope he tightens up one aspect of his punt returning repertoire… twice he dribbled the ball when making a fair catch. You can't always count on the bounce to be so kind….just like you can't always count on me not to spew obscenities.

Speaking of spewing obscenities…section 5 was spared my verbal displeasure when Tony Jefferson emerged from getting his ankle rolled up with only a mild strain. It happened right in from of me and looked extremely ugly. He is a player that the Sooners can ill afford to lose. Need an example? His replacement blew a coverage that resulted in long TD pass play for FAMU. (OAS note: I thought the guilty party, Jessie Paulsen, played well otherwise).

The Bell-Dozier was ineffective in limited action Saturday night. Until the forward pass is a real and viable option when using this package, I feel like defenses will catch up to this sand lot shtick soon if not already. Why can't the Sooners get the same blocking and yardage when they hand off to a running back?

Trey Millard…Am I the only guy wearing crimson that wants to see him carry the ball more? While Trey-Dozier might not be as catchy, I bet it would be more effective.

Last week The OAS rambled about the good and bad of Landry Jones. Against FAMU he had an INT and had another one that hit a Rattler d-back in the dread-locks only to be dropped…that kind of good fortune probably won't be available against the likes of Texas and Notre Dame.

Damien Williams had another good game. 156 yards on 10 carries…his 15 yards per carry average aided by an 89 yard jaunt in the second quarter. Good speed not to get caught by D-back…K-State will be better test for what the Sooners have in the JUCO transfer.

Casey Walker is back on the team…David King is back to Defensive end…and The OAS is back to you after the K-State game. 
Until then…Boomer Sooner.

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner

A Coyote Ugly Win for the Sooners in El Paso

You have heard of coyote ugly, right?  That’s when you wake up with your arm around a girl so ugly, that you would rather gnaw your arm off than risk waking her up. 

Then there is also double coyote ugly…that’s a girl so ugly that you would rather gnaw off your arm than risk waking her up…then…when you get back home, you gnaw off your other arm, cause you know that ugly beast is gonna be looking for a one-armed man. 

Saturday night, ‘Out in the west Texas town of El Paso’, the Sooners defeated UTEP 24-7.  Yes, the Sooners won, but it wasn’t pretty.  How ugly you ask?  Well, if this game had been a girl, it would have been coyote ugly.

While the Sooners returned home victorious, they no doubt woke up Sunday morning a little embarrassed about the situation they found themselves in. 
But whereas you will go to any extreme, even self-mutilation, to reach the goal of not awakening the ugly girl…OU fans can only hope that this game gnaws at the Sooners players and coaches enough to serve as a wake up call. 

Look, I hate to ‘cry wolf’ after one game…especially a victory…but the OU team I saw play in the Sun Bowl Saturday night was not a top ten or even top 20 football team.  I don’t feel like I am going too far out of a ‘limb’ when I say that if not for UTEP’s bad luck, bad conditioning and atrociously bad kicking, Sooner fans might have awaken Sunday morning to find themselves staring at a double coyote ugly situation .  Believe me…a loss against UTEP to start the season would have really had the Sooner Nation up in arms…at least until we chewed them both off.

THE SEASON OPENER

The music charts were filled with songs by the likes of Nine Inch Nails, Sneaker Pimps and Hanson, a boy band from Tulsa.  If you wanted to go watch the Titanic sink, Men in Black or Jurassic Park, it would cost you $4.50.  The Dow Jones closed above 7000 for the first time, residents of Hong Kong needed to brush up on their Chinese, and a little storm named El Nino started being blamed for almost everything.  Tiger Woods won his first Masters at age 21, Mike Tyson bit off Evander Holyfield’s ear, President Clinton was starting his second term, and when her car crashed in a Paris tunnel, Princess Di…did. 

The year was 1997 and until last Saturday night, it was the last time that OU opened the season with a game outside of the state of Oklahoma (OU played @ Tulsa in 2002, the only other time the opener has not been at home since 1997).
In August of ‘97, the Sooners played Northwestern at Soldier Field in Chicago. I remember it well, because I was there. The game was called the Pigskin Classic.  They could have saved some lettering on the t-shirts and just called it The Pig…because it was anything but a classic.  I had very low expectations for OU that year, expectations that were immediately met when the Sooners got thrashed 24-0 by a Northwestern team that would go on to finish 7^th in the Big 10 Conference.  The OU coach was John Blake…enough said?  Yes, I thought so.

 SCATTERSHOOTING….

Maybe it is a good thing that OU didn’t move to the PAC-10 conference like so many people wanted them to.  If the game starts when Mickey Mouse’s little hand points at the nine or higher…we suck.  We lost the Tech game last year, at home no less, when it kicked- off late because of storms….we played like we suffered from Somnambulism (sleep walking) against Kansas when the game started the same time as Letterman…and Saturday night we looked sloppy, slow and unmotivated against UTEP...another kickoff just past my mother’s bed time.  
Lord, who are we…the Golden Girls? Are we afraid of the dark?  Can’t they give the players a Red Bull or one of those 5 hour energy drink things? I don’t know, maybe they need a nap, a visit from a therapist or poked with a cattle prod…Whatever…all I know is that the current game-day schedule isn’t working when kickoff is past 8 bells. I’m just sayin.
The only thing worse than the team sucking late at night, is the manner in which I react to their ineptness.  Tardy kickoff = extra cocktail time = more volatility = less desirable behavior = more broken decorative household items. 
              Please…help save a knick-knack …say no to late kickoffs.

 The good news is that Landry Jones returned for his senior year…his third as a starter.  The bad news is that Landry Jones returned for his senior year…his third as a starter.  Not since Cale Gundy have I wished for a kid with this kind of talent to graduate…all the while fully knowing that I am going to miss him when he’s gone.  He has so much natural talent…NFL type talent.  The throw he made to Kenny Stills Saturday night, was the kind of throw that makes NFL scouts drool.  But as is always the case with Landry...you can’t have the good, without also getting the bad.  He still holds the ball way to long…he still misses too many wide open receivers…and he is still seemingly incapable of making even the slightest movement in the pocket to bail out a lineman or buy more time.    

When the Landry Jones era at OU is over, the record books will undoubtedly show that statistically, he was the best to ever play the position at OU…but how he will be regarded historically in the eyes of the Sooner Nation is still very much up in the air.  Landry has a chance to end his career 3-0 as a starter against Texas, win a second Big 12 Title…as well as become the only QB in OU history to start and win 4 bowl games. But to do so, he must make better decisions; be more consistent in making the routine play…and maybe most importantly…figure out a way to be better when playing on the road.  Bottom line…more good Landry…way less bad.
The season should be on the line when the Sooners travel to Morgantown in late November and to Fort Worth in early December.  Play well and lead the Sooners to a BCS game and his place in history will improve dramatically in the eyes of the Sooner Nation…play mediocre on the road like he did in El Paso Saturday night, and the result could be a return trip to El Paso in late December for his last game as a Sooner. Winning Sun Bowls are nice, but it doesn’t do much for your legacy…just ask the 1993 Sun Bowl MVP…former Sooner QB Cale Gundy.

Other than Kenny Stills…I wouldn’t have been able to recognize a single wide receiver if they hadn’t had their names on the back of their jersey’s.

Why did RJ Washington switch from wearing jersey #91 to #11? Unless he plans of getting a few snaps from center, it doesn’t make any sense.  Speaking of RJ…did anyone else catch this little nugget from FOX Sports TV color commentator J. C. Pearson: “the experts are projecting RJ Washington as an outside linebacker at the next level”….excuse me? Look, I’m no expert, but how can you project a player to play a different position in the NFL, when he hasn’t shown the ability to play his current one in college? While I feel RJ has the ability to have a good to great season in his final year at OU…the fact is...based on what he has done in college…the only projection you could make in regards to his NFL future…is failure.

Defensive Lineman: One injury here and we are screwed. David King, who moved to tackle from DE, played well…but he, along with JaMarcus McFarland, had to play almost the entire game because we have no depth.  Fatigue can lead to injury…something that the Sooners simply can’t afford at this position.
Speaking of Jamarcus McFarland, he has been average at best…certainly nowhere near the player the experts projected him to be coming out of high school…but he is on the team and playing…which is more than can be said for Casey Walker. Walker is listed as out with a non-football related issue.  Reportedly, Walker is trying to decide if he wants to play anymore.  Great...
Stacy McGee may have the desire to play, but unfortunately, the powers that be at OU don’t share that same sentiment.  McGee is suspended indefinitely, rumored to be three more games…we really need him back cause evidently the coaches don’t think the young d-tackles are ready for meaningful action.

My other concern for the defense is at Linebacker.  I feel certain that Tom Wort is a nice guy, a hoot at parties, polite to strangers and respectful to his elders…but what Tom Wort is not…is a middle linebacker. He has relentless effort and his speed allows him to cover backs out of the backfield…but his lack of size results in him getting completely steamrolled out of the play way to often…it also has made him susceptible to injury.  Has anyone seen Cory Nelson? If you do see him, please have him report to the Sooners defensive huddle immediately. His presence is very much needed.

After being a disaster last year, the defensive secondary might actually be one of the team strengths this year.  Tony Jefferson is a star. In my opinion he is finally in the right position…which is at safety and not some sort of hybrid d-back/linebacker thing. It looks like Mike Stoops is going to turn him loose and let him just go play.  Jefferson had at least two TD saving tackles against UTEP. Combined with Aaron Colvin, the Sooners have two great players in the secondary. A third player in Demontre Hurst that is above average…and there is also safety Javon Harris…well, ok…did I mention how good Jefferson and Colvin are?

Who is the UTEP kicking coach…Jimmy Stevens?

The Sooners face Florida A&M this weekend in Norman.  Hope to see you there…

Boomer Sooner

Just the opinions of one mildly interested guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner