OKLAHOMA
63 TEXAS 21
‘Coach, did you learn anything about
your team today?’
“I didn’t, but you guys did” –Bob
Stoops
Wow…I
gotta be honest; I didn’t see that coming at all. Sure, I thought we would have a chance to
win…but this? This was a complete ass
kicking like none I have seen in my thirty years of going to the Cotton Bowl. Don’t let the final score fool you…it wasn’t that
close. We gave them their first 8 points….the
other 13 they got late in the fourth quarter when the OU coaches were sending
in guys who associated being on the field with running to or from the locker
room. In fact, should points even count if they are scored against guys not
listed in the program and 90% of your fan base is either eating a funnel cake
or on I-30?
SCATTERSHOOTING…
AND BESIDES, BIG TEX LIVES HERE
The
State Fair of Texas…man I love that place.
It’s an instant tailgate party. A warm beer in a wax paper cup is 7
coupons, or the real world equivalent of $3.50. There is no need to cook, since every possible
food group is represented and available for my dining pleasure…all within a
short walking distance for whomever I con into going to get it. Easy to find picnic tables and an electric
atmosphere are provided at no extra charge…so tell me again why I would ever
want this game moved to Jerry’s World?
STOOP-ID GOOD
Man,
it is so good to have Mike Stoops back.
This defense is getting better each week…he has players playing in the
right positions (Jefferson, Colvin)…he isn’t afraid to make a change, even if
it means trusting a young player (Shannon)…and he’s not afraid to challenge Bob
should the need arrive. His game plan Saturday was obviously dead on
genius. Texas wouldn’t have scored a
meaningful touchdown if they had played for a week.
REASON #1...AS TO WHY I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY NIKE COACHES VISOR
AND BOB STOOPS DOESN’T:
What
I said before the game was:
I don’t think the Sooners are physical enough on offense to consistently run
the ball with any kind of success.
What
I meant to say before the game was: Despite numerous injuries and players having
to playing out of position, I think the OU offensive line will physically pound
those soft Longhorn bastards like Kirstie Alley would a cupcake. I expect OU running backs to go through the
Horns defense like General Grant went thru Richmond, burning up the clock, the
light bulbs in the scoreboard and the resolve of the Longhorns defense. Only a whorehouse
handyman travels less distance to score than Blake Bell does, so should the
Sooners find themselves inside the Longhorns 5 yard line…which they often will
on Saturday… look for a steady dose of the BellDozier. Three maybe even four
touchdowns would not be out of the question for the Sooners back-up QB.
STEPPING IN HIGH COTTON
The
OU Drum Major is a bad ass….best I have seen in years at doing that backwards
head tilt thing that OU drum majors do when they lead The Pride out onto the
field. Which begs the question…why do
the OU drum majors do that backwards head tilt thing that OU drum majors do
when they lead The Pride out onto the field?
GOOD SEATS NOW AVAILABLE
Starting
as early as midway through the second quarter…it was like a fire drill siren
was going off in the Texas end of the Cotton Bowl when OU would score. “Longhorn fans, your exits are located just above
your team’s ability…as well as far below your unrealistic expectations…the bathrooms
are clearly marked should you feel the need to throw-up while departing the
Cotton Bowl. Should you need further
direction, a crimson dressed Sooner representative would probably me more than
happy to assist you.
‘THEY CALL ME…TATOR SALAD’
Maybe
it is about time I start to recognize what we have at tailback with this Damien
Williams guy. You would think that someone who was averaging over a 100 yards a
game and 7 yards a carry would be getting more attention and recognition…but
hell, I have trouble even remembering his name. The name on the back of his
jersey is D.D. Williams. Hell, I’ve
called him Billy D, LaDanian D, David, LaDavid, Venus Williams, Andy Williams,
Robin Williams, Roy Williams, that Williams guy, that JC transfer running back
dude, that guy that should be starting…now I think it’s time I call him…‘pretty
damn good’. (See video of his 95 yard run above)
DON’T IT MAKE YA WANT TO SMILE
Couldn’t
get enough of the red beans and rice this year…good stuff, short line. The nice lady with the hairnet who works
there has a pleasant attitude and most her teeth…which can be a tough
combination to find at the fair sometimes.
IS THAT YOU…OR JUST A BRILLANT DISGUISE
“It’s just unacceptable for Texas to lose to
Oklahoma like that, much less anybody and especially two years in a row. I’m
disappointed for our coaches, our fans and our players because that’s not who
we are.” -Texas head coach Mack Brown
Mack,
either that IS who you are, or it’s the most elaborate disguise of a good
football team ever seen. Dude, whatever gets you thru the day…but I’m thinking
the 92,500 people who were in the Cotton Bowl are going to be more of a realist
than you.
TWO BE OR NOT TWO BE
At
halftime, the Texas Longhorns had: two points, two first downs, and had taken
only two snaps in OU territory. The
result of those two snaps? Well, two
interceptions of course. With all that
being said, I guess the best way to describe how the Longhorns played in the
first half? Like #2.
TWO GIVITH…
Seconds
before the Sooners attempted what would be the first of many extra point tries…I
turned to Kristen and said, “Just nothing bad happen here please.” Maybe next time I should be a little more
specific. While no one died, the extra
point attempt that happened next was a train wreck from the get go. The snap was bad, the hold was worse…and the
attempt by Hunnicut to still try and kick the ball…ranged from comical to downright
absurd.
It
was like watching Joe Bob from Poteau, OK try to win a year’s supply of cheeseburgers
from Carl’s Jr in the pre-game punt pass and kick competition. Joe Bob has about as much chance of
successfully kicking the extra point as he did successfully finishing tenth
grade…which is zero…which is probably good…since JB needs free burgers for a
year about as much as he needs a third hidden firearm in his truck…but anyway…I
digress.
Like
Joe Bob, Hunnicut shanks the kick about four feet. But unlike Joe Bob…Hunnicut doesn’t get to
wave at the crowd, hug the guy in the oversized hamburger costume and go back
to his seat happy he didn’t hurt anyone...no, what Hunnicut needs to do is make
a tackle. The flat footed, standing
still, Super Toe board game looking, ill-advised kick has just one hopped into
the arms of a Longhorn…a fast Longhorn….Before we could even get the Sooner
Schooner off the field…OU 6 Texas 2.
AND TWO TAKITH
AWAY
When
the Sooners pinned Texas at its own 1 yard line with about six minutes to go in
the second quarter…for some reason Torrence Marshall and his legendary pregame
handshake with Chris Weinke came to mind. Slightly altered…“You got my teams
two points, and I’ve come to get it back!” One play later and the Sooners had done just
that.
ALSO AVAILABLE IN SOBER
An
11:00 AM kickoff means being way deep into a flask of Crown Royal Reserve
before 1:00 in the afternoon, especially if you are sharing. Undoubtedly, my near empty flask following the
game was a result of Kristen hogging it when I wasn’t looking. How she could walk straight or speak without slurring
after drinking so much was impressive but disturbing…especially since I couldn’t
do either. I should talk to her about
the merits of moderation, as soon as I figure out exactly what that means.
REASON #2...AS TO WHY I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY NIKE COACHES VISOR
AND BOB STOOPS DOESN’T:
What
I said before the game was:
I was concerned that Texas was either going to run the ball down our throats,
or at minimum, run it effectively enough to control the clock, tire out our
defense and keep the ball away from the Sooners offense i.e.…run the ball effectively
enough to win.
What
I meant to say before the game was: Texas would be better off to save themselves
some heartache and just quick-kick on first down…because they won’t be able to
run the ball against this Sooner defense.
Our defense line will control the
line of scrimmage…which will allow our linebackers to be on Longhorn running backs
like rats on Cheetos. I would be willing
to bet that I average more oz. of Crown per sip…than Gray and Bergeron do yards
per carry…which would mean we are all getting hammered during the game. No running
game for Texas means, no chance to win.
FEELINGS, NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS
I
guess the one thing that I would say that was a little disappointing about this
year’s OU/Texas was the overall vibe of the weekend. Definite down in comparison to those of the
past….certainly not bad…but not that electric feel to it that the weekend usually
possesses. Not even enough people after the game to take the annual group photo…first
time in 10 years.
GOODBYE TEXAS
Needless
to say, the Sooners played an almost perfect game against the Horns on Saturday.
While I was hopeful of a victory, I
certainly didn’t see a scenario where OU would totally and completely kick
their ass like they did…but they did. It will be very interesting to see where
the Longhorns go from here…if they tank like last year, then is it possible
that we might have just seen the last of Mack Brown? Hope not.
47 STRAIGHT REASONS WHY
If
nothing else, the victory should help shine the spotlight a little brighter on
what lays just ahead. The Sooners should
take care of Kansas at home this weekend…which would set up a prime time
showdown with Notre Dame the following weekend in Norman. Hopefully, the Irish
will come to Owen Field undefeated…giving the Sooners a chance to serve up some
long-overdue revenge. I can’t wait….see
you in Norman. Beat KU.
Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Buddy Putty
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