OHIO STATE vs OKLAHOMA - PART I - THE PREGAME

"You can't drink all day, if you don't start in the morning" - Celia Rivenbark

McKnight and I pulled out of Fort Worth at 9:30 AM…then used the two-and-a-half-hour drive to Norman as an opportunity to catch up on each other’s life. Basically, I sat quietly as he spoke about his day-to-day life with a wife, 4 kids and a career, followed by him sitting quietly while I spoke about how I couldn’t comprehend his day-to-day life with a wife, 4 kids and a career.

DELTA TAU DELTA

One of the reasons for our early arrival was to attend a tailgate event at the Delta Tau Delta fraternity house, a place where McKnight and I were members and lived some 30 years ago...which sadly, might also be the last time anyone has bothered putting a coat of paint on the walls.  While seeing the condition of the 'shelter' was disappointing - it was good to see some people that I hadn’t seen in quite a while - like Jeff Johnson and his family, and pledge brothers Brant Allegretti and Mark Miller, just to name a few.

Outside Delt House at OU
 before Mekong Party in fall of 1984-
My freshman year

Just in case standing around the Delt house didn’t make me feel old – witnessing first-hand how many of my friend’s kids were now attending OU certainly did.  Wow, I couldn’t even point out how 'hot' some co-ed was in fear that it was the daughter of one of my friends…So instead, I just thought it quietly to myself.  Hey – progress is progress.

Speaking of hot - until the storm hit - I felt like I was standing on the surface of the sun all day.  Not exactly an ideal setting for the OAS.

Next we hurried over to Campus Corner.  You know it’s a big game when the parking lot reserved for donors is already full at 2:00 for a game that doesn’t kick off until 6:30. The only spot left in the lot was a handicap spot – but since I felt that would accurately describe my condition later in the day – I took it.  I know, I know…I’m going to hell, but it’s not like I won’t know anyone when I get there.

Funnel Clouds moved kick-off
from 6:30 to 8:00 PM

Styx, McKnight, KT, Fast Eddie, Fricks and I spent the next five hours roaming between Fuzzy’s (of which McKnight is part owner)– the Humble tailgate - & the Coleman-Cox-Ross-Wheeler tailgate.  (Thank you to all of the just mentioned people for the food – adult beverages – and a place to enjoy both).  Yes, due to the weather delay that moved kickoff back from 6:30 to 8 PM – the pre-game festivities lasted 5 hours – actually 6 hours if you throw in the time spent at the frat house.  To the defense of our group - the extra hour and a half of drinking time was not taken into effect when originally planning the alcohol ration – so the fact that we all ceased being adults before the game even started - wasn’t really our fault (at least that’s our story and we’re sticking to it.)  Maybe the best moment of the day was when Styx got to have his picture made with the Mini-James Brown...complete with Styx screaming "I feel good" right before I took the picture. 

Styx with Mini-James Brown before game

But unfortunately, “I feel good” was a feeling that wouldn’t last that long once the game started.

JUST THE OPINION OF ONE MILDLY INTERESTED GUY -

BUDDY PUTTY -
THE OVERWEIGHT ARMCHAIR SOONER

NORMAN, WE HAVE A PROBLEM - PART 2

DIFFERENT ‘CAT – BUT RESULTS THE SAME

▪ OU takes opening kickoff and drives the length of the field to take a 7-0 lead. ▪ Defense bends but doesn’t break – stops opponents high powered offense inside red-zone – holding them to field goals. ▪ Then a personal foul penalty stops one Sooner scoring drive ▪ Close game at halftime.

▪ OU special teams are horrible. Kicker gets the yips and opponent makes big play on special teams that changes the game. ▪ Opponent is converting 3^rd downs at ridiculous rate ▪ Opponent making plays, Sooners making mistakes. ▪ Sooners get behind, then panic – stray from game plan – OU Fails to execute trick play ▪ Sooners get outcoached - Sooners lose.

Sound Familiar?  Well, it should.  The two paragraph's above could've been used to describe the season opener against Houston, or the game the Sooners played 246 days ago against Clemson that ended their season. Either way - not a formula for success.

OFF-SEASON BLABBER & BULLSHIT

“Head coach Bob Stoops said Director of Sports Enhancement Jerry Schmidt indicated this has been the best summer in Schmidt's 18 years on staff in terms of players buying in to the off-season program and really investing themselves from both physical and mental standpoints.”

-           

F*** off-season and everything you hear about it, because it’s all rhetoric.   First of all, let me say a word about Jerry Schmidt’s title. Director of Sports Enhancement? Seriously?  You’re a strength coach, which in most people’s world – is one step above middle school P.E. teacher.  Get over yourself.  Just because you scream at young adults when it’s hot outside – doesn’t make you director of anything.  Hell, I’m overweight and drink too much – but that doesn’t make me - Director of Multiple Vices & Bad Habit Development.  Sorry, for the rant...I'm back now

Anyway…in my opinion, the three biggest bullshit statements ever uttered by humans are as follows: (1) When a woman tells you she “doesn’t care or nothing is wrong,” (2) when a man replies “no” in response to a woman’s question about her outfit – and how it portrays the size of her ass - and – (3) when a coach states “this was the best off-season we’ve had since we’ve been here.”

Example 1:

“…best summer…in terms of players buying in to the offseason program and really investing themselves from both physical and mental standpoints.”

Wow – really?  Because with 1:02 still left to go in the first half, 8 of the 11 Sooner defensive players on the field had hands on hips and their heads tilted back gasping for air like Kirstie Alley leaving a Krispy Cream store.  Hell, I scaled the stairs of section 105 - five different times in the first half (three times for beer, once for a cup of ice for my Crown and one unplanned jaunt when the usher asked me to “meet him in the concourse area to discuss my language”) – but you didn’t see me gasping – and I haven’t worked out since “Angel is a Centerfold” by the J. Giles Band topped the charts.

Example 2: “Junior, WR - Jordan Smallwood (6’2, 220)

 “Jordan probably had the best off-season of anyone on the team” said Coach Riley. “He’s made big strides – I’m excited about the impact he’ll have as part of the Wide Receiver rotation.”

Well, evidently not too excited Coach Riley – Because the star of the off-season played the same number of offensive snaps as I did – zero.

SCATTERSHOOTING….

-         I told anyone and everyone who would listen that I was worried about this game. Never been more disappointed to be right in my life.  Last season ended before dark on New Year’s Eve.  This one might’ve ended before Labor Day.

-         There were more Houston fans there than I thought there would be…that being said, these ears suspect that some of the Cougar fan clatter was the result of electronics.

-         Down by only 2 – the Sooners – both players and coaches – played as if down double digits.  Mayfield tried to hit home-runs – instead of taking what the defense was giving – and OC Riley abandoned the running game way to soon.

-         Once again, personal foul penalties were an issue.  The hands to the head call against Ogbonnia Okoronkwo (I had to cut and paste so my spell check wouldn't have a break down) when the Sooners had just stopped Houston on third down was a killer.  I would’ve dog-cussed him, except for the fact that I can’t say his name…but it was just as well, since Stoops was cussing him enough that anything I had to add would’ve fallen into the ‘piling on’ category – even by my standards.  As for Obo’s first game replacing Eric Striker - two plays (the penalty and a busted coverage that resulted in Houston TD) marred what otherwise would’ve been a stellar game for the Houston native (9 tackles, a sack, forced fumble – one Stoops dog cussing).

-         Look, it would be hypocritical for me to call out people for getting drunk at a football game…but the guy standing next to me was so shit faced by halftime that I had to issue an ultimatum.  He could either choose to (A) stop drinking – (B) stop spilling it on me (C) both or (D) I would choose for him.  What is the world coming to when I’m forced to be the “voice of reason?” What next, Charlie Sheen wins Humanitarian of the Year?”

-         The game will forever be remembered for the 109 yard - kick-6.  But what is forgotten – is the holding penalty on the play before that moved the kick back. The Sooners followed that miscue up with only 10 guys taking the field to line up for the long field goal attempt – which forced the Sooners to use a time-out. Since Houston showed their hand (they had a guy racing out to the back of the end-zone when the Sooners called for the time-out) you’d think the OU coaches might mention the possibility of a return should the kick come up short.  Look, with the guys the Sooners had on the field – Brandon Wilson could’ve run that for a touchdown – then turned around – and run it back the other way for 100 yards – and we still wouldn’t have tackled him – but I would’ve like to have seen the Sooner try to start tackling him before he had already run 35 yards.

-         Despite wearing a large amount of it – courtesy of the guy next to me - it was a real treat to have beer at a college football game– but the food at NRG was below par.  The peanuts were stale and the hot dogs were cold…which lead to me deciding to pass on the BBQ or Nachos. Besides – I tend to lose my appetite when OU gets down by double digits.

-         That’s all for this week – you saw the game and I’ve been negative enough – Sooners lost to a very good football team – but as last year showed us, they still have a lot to play for – but they have a lot of work to do before Ohio State comes to town.

JUST THE OPINION OF ONE “MILDLY INTERESTED” GUY

BUDDY PUTTY – THE OVERWEIGHT ARMCHAIR SOONER

ADVOCARE KICK-OFF CLASSIC: NORMAN WE HAVE A PROBLEM (PART 1)

#3 OKLAHOMA 22 #15 HOUSTON 33

I told anyone and everyone who asked, and some that didn’t – that I was worried about this game against Houston. The Cougars have a dual threat (which never bodes well for us), Heisman candidate in Greg Ward...one of 15 returning starters  from a team that finished 13-1 and ranked # 8 after dismantling Florida State in the Peach Bowl.  They have a Head Coach in Tom Herman who is considered to be the next big thing, if not that already - and recently added to the mix, the best recruiting class in Houston Cougar history, headlined by 5-star defensive tackle, Ed Oliver.  Oklahoma an 11.5 point favorite?  Hmm, somebody must know something I don't, cause that seems way high. 

The Sooners have done a lot of things well in the Stoops era, but turning in impressive season opening performances, is not one of them.  To many bad teams have hung around to make things more difficult than seemingly necessary over the years - games like: OU 31 Utah State 24 (@ home) in 2010, OU 24 UAB 17 (@ home) in 2006 and OU 24 UTEP 7 in El Paso back in 2012, a game the Sooners only led by 6 late in the 4th quarter.

           I also painfully recall the last time the Sooners opened the season playing in a NFL Stadium...against a team ranked in the top 20.  The year was 2009 - BYU the opponent - and the Sooners were favored by double digits. When the game started, the Sooners were ranked #4 and their starting QB had a Heisman Trophy sitting in his dorm room back in Norman.  When the night was over - OU was 0-1, ranked #16 - and their starting QB was a religious, red-shirt freshman with a porn-mustache from Artesia, New Mexico. 

WELL, AT LEAST THINGS STARTED OFF WELL –

Saturday, September 3rd

After a plate of Migas and a breakfast beer at a place called Goode & Co Taqueira (www.goodecompany.com) we headed over to NRG Stadium, arriving at Lot C about 9:20.  After Styx gave a squalid man in a Dan Pastorini Oilers jersey $30.00, we drove to the front of the lot and settled into a parking spot that couldn’t have been more than two OU personal foul penalties away from the stadium entrance.

Next, we needed tickets.  We’d decided to pass on StubHub, where lower level tickets between the 20’s were going for $200+, and instead, take our chances with scalpers.  I hadn't even had my arm raised and two fingers extended for a full minute - when an older gentleman and fellow Sooner fan asked me if I needed tickets.  When I say old, I mean history book, dog years, first car was a horse, kinda old.  I decided to pass on being a smart ass, since rarely do octogenarians understand or appreciate my smart ass brand of humor, and instead went with: “Yes, sir – I do.” Good call by me...Thanks to Father Time, we we’re now sitting 27 rows up on the 30-yard line for $90.00 each – some $30.00 below face value.  

NRG STADIUM -
HAS BECOME HOUSE OF HORROR
FOR SOONER NATION

Just when I didn’t think things could get any better – they actually did. The retractable NRG Stadium roof? – It was closed. The air-conditioning? – On full blast….and best of all – if you walked up to a kiosk in the concourse area and handed $10.75 to a person wearing a blue and red bib - they’d hand you back a luke-warm beer of your choice. Yes, at 10:42 AM – Life in the Sooner Nation was Nirvana. But as the saying goes – “all good things (like early 7-0 leads) must come to an end.”

Game Recap Next

JUST THE OPINION OF ONE MILDLY INTERESTED GUY

BUDDY PUTTY - 

THE OVERWEIGHT ARMCHAIR SOONER