Week 4
More South Beach Pain for Sooners vs. Canes


Therapist: “Wow, you look like hell. Can I get you something to drink? Water…maybe some coffee? Or should I just get you a glass and some ice and let you make another cocktail from you breath?”

The OAS: “Yeah, sorry about that. I had a pretty rough weekend.”

Therapist: “Man, I guess so. What happened to your arm? Why is it in a sling?”

The OAS: “Oh that….I think I got to close to the TV and one of the OU offensive lineman grabbed me and held me while another lineman leg whipped me. I guess they ran out of people on the opposing team to commit personal fouls against and took it out on me.”

Therapist: “Un Huh…Look, if you want to pay me $150 an hour to lie to me, it’s your meter…just let me remind you however, that when you tried that same strategy in your first marriage it didn’t work out to well for you….I’m just sayin’”

The OAS: “I think I accidently fell off my barstool when that bouncer asked me to leave the bar where I watched the game. Truth is…other than my feelings, I’m not really hurt…I just thought I would use the opportunity to act like I was. Having a hurt shoulder is all the rage in Norman right now. I’m telling people that it’s a sprained AT&T joint in my shoulder….since it is my drinking shoulder, I probably won’t be able to resume text messaging or tequila shots for 2-4 weeks pending the breathalyzer tests.”

Therapist: “Well, I can see that being serious is off to a very slow start…but hey, I don’t need to point that out to you….I mean, who would know more about seriously slow starts these days, than a Sooner fan?”

The OAS: “Why do you have to be that way? I am on suicide watch and need a hug, not abuse. And to think I actually pay for this. Ok…You want serious? How about all the injuries that keep afflicting our top offensive playmakers? When we play Texas in two weeks we might have as many as three NFL first round draft picks standing on the Cotton Bowl sidelines. The only thing that they will be able to help the team score is prescription pain killers.”

Therapist: “Hey, here is an idea…why don’t we focus on you?”

The OAS: "That is my favorite subject."

Therapist: "I know you are really down….and while I still feel there are much more important issues in life, I understand how important OU football is too you. Losing to BYU 14-13 and to Miami 21-20 has to be tough on you. How are you holding up?"

The OAS: "Please don’t say holding"

Therapist: "For God sake, would you please work with me here"

The OAS: "I guess I am feeling a little conflicted. I would say that about 30% of me is angry…and another 30% of me is really disappointed."

Therapist: "OK…Go on…"

The OAS: "Oh, yeah…well, the other 39% of me is pretty much just drunk."

Therapist: "That’s mature…God this must be what is it is like to work with Gary Bussey...and the last part?"

The OAS: "What last part, I’m not following you"

Therapist: "Look, I know you’re from Oklahoma, so I am sensitive to your limited math skills, but we’re still coming up a little short here, are we not?"

The OAS: "Oh…I know, Doc…and therein lye’s the problem and the reason I am here…this just isn’t adding up for me…part of me feels missing or lost. What do you think?"

Therapist: "You really want to know?"

The OAS: "No, I just want to pay you to keep me in the dark."

Therapist: "It’s simple really… I think you are just a typical 2009 Sooner…"

The OAS: "What does that mean?"

Therapist: "Always ONE point short of where you need to be."

The OAS: "Ouch"

Just the Opinion Of One Mildly Interested Guy

Buddy Putty

The Overweight Armchair Sooner