4TH DOWN HEAVEN IN WEST VIRGINIA

Oklahoma 50 West Virginia 49

When Landry Jones connected with Kenny Stills on 4^th down to give the Sooners a one-point lead with 24 seconds to play last Saturday night in Morgantown, my only thought was...I sure hope we didn’t leave too much time on the clock…

I wasn’t expecting to be late to the airport, nor did I expect that arriving 45 minutes before departure instead of the requested hour would be considered an act of terrorism, but it felt like it. I didn’t expect that the $9 in flight meal would be any good…nor was I surprised that I ate the mystery meat and cheese breakfast blob anyway.  I never dreamed that I would be on an American Airlines flight that arrived on time, or that our luggage would make it if I was.  I certainly couldn’t have imagined that the Pittsburg, PA weather would be in the mid-fifties in late November…but all of that was indeed the case upon arrival at Pittsburg International Airport last Friday morning. 

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is the 27^th largest city in the United States.  Located in the southwest part of the state, Pittsburg is home to some 300,000 residents with a seven county metropolitan population of just over 2.5 million people.  The city is of triangular shape, stamped by the confluence of the Monongahela, Allegheny and Ohio Rivers. 

From the airport, Pittsburgh is roughly 15 miles or so. Just before you get to downtown, you enter the Fort Pitt Tunnel.  Upon exiting the tunnel, downtown Pittsburgh practically explodes into view. The New York Times cited it as “the best way to enter an American city” and I won’t argue.  I was very surprise and impressed with how beautiful Pittsburgh is…an impression that no doubt was influenced by the unseasonably warm weather.  Pittsburgh only averages 60 days of sunshine a year…to think we got three of them in late November was evidently a minor miracle according to the locals.

The first stop was for lunch at the legendary Primanti Brothers sandwich shop (www.primantibros.com).  Open 24 hours a day, Primanti Brothers is one step above a dump…think dingy yet comfortable.  Pictures of local legends adorn the walls while waitresses dressed head to toe in Steelers garb work the counters. The waitress who I was evidently bothering…was horribly unattractive, but made up for it with a really shitty attitude.  Any attempt to engage in small talk or God forbid ask a question was grounds for ridicule or even banishment…in other words…the place was awesome!

I got the pastrami and cheese, which comes with slaw, tomatoes and of course French fries.  When I say slaw and fries, I don’t mean with it, I mean ON it…whether you like it, want it or not. The picture below is half my sandwich.  I am either proud or embarrassed to say that I finished the whole thing…like I said, I was hungry.  I was also afraid that the waitress might punch me if I didn’t finish it after having had the nerve to ask her if the pastrami was any good or not.  I’m convinced that if they had known I was a Cowboys fan, I might have been taken out back and beaten.  I smiled when I left because I had already decided I would be back the next day to order the roast beef and tell her that I heard Franco Harris was a cross-dresser. Good times.

 

The drive from Pittsburgh to Morgantown, West Virginia is 75 miles. Other than having to dodge a recliner that fell out of the back of a pick-up truck…and the fact that gas stations don’t sell beer, the drive was as pleasant as it was uneventful. 

Morgantown, with a population of just fewer than 30,000, is about10 miles inside the W. Va. border, stationed on the bank of the Monongahela River.  It is 208 miles west of D.C, 204 miles east of Columbus, Ohio, just south of the Mason-Dixon Line and home to West Virginia University.

I wasn’t expecting 7-2 Oklahoma vs. 5-4 West Virginia when I booked this trip back in July.  I didn’t envision that OU would have lost two home games, nor would I have expected the Mountaineers to be riding a five game losing streak.  I didn’t believe that I would be traveling 1,050 miles to watch 1,440 yards of combined total offense, nor did I think that I would be using 50,000 airline miles to fly three hours so I could drive a rented Kia across two states in order to watch a converted slot receiver rush for 344 yards on only 21 carries…but that is what I would be doing at Milan Puskar Stadium last Saturday night. (Yes, that is the stadium name!)

THE GAME…OR SHOULD I SAY…THE TRACK MEET

First, let me just say that the West Virginia fans were possibly the nicest, most hospitable and welcoming fans I have ever been around save Nebraska.  You couldn’t go 10 yards without a Mountaineer fan stopping you to shake your hand, welcome to you Morgantown or thank you for coming.  It was almost frustrating!  All the niceness exhibited last week was such a stark contrast to the way they acted at the 2007/08 Fiesta Bowl.  Either these people have made a conscious effort to change or they belong in the bipolar Hall of Fame with all the girls I dated in the ‘90’s.

Well….we won.  But while I wrote that last sentence Tavon Austin just gained another 38 yards)

*EFENCE WAS OFFENSIVE

Simply put, it was the worst *efensive performance in Oklahoma Sooners football history.  That is not an opinion that is a statistical fact.  The Mountaineers accumulate* 771 total yar*s of offense. The OU *efense gave up three ‘*rives’ of over 90 yar*s. Opinion wise, it is mine that it was the worst *efensive scheme and *efensive effort I have witnesse* in some time.  Was there ever a thought of an *efensive a*justment or was Mike Stoops just going to keep a**ing more *efensive backs until all 11 players ha* jersey numbers under 40?  (No, I didn’t misspell all the words that have *.  No those aren’t typo’s either…I just figured if the Sooners weren’t going to play any D, then why should I type with any?)

Mike Stoops isn’t doing Tony Jefferson or Aaron Colvin any favors with the scheme he tried to employ Saturday night.  Stoops had Jefferson lined up in more positions than Tommie Lee did Pamela Anderson on their honeymoon.  I saw TJ at middle linebacker, safety, left defensive tackle, second chair trumpet and assistant trainer…and unless his assignment is to chase the tailback until the Mountaineer band plays Country Road’s, then I would have to say that he was just as exposed as Pamela was as well…either way, it about screwed us all. (Tavon Austin on the carry, gain of 27 yards)

The closest the Sooners defensive front seven ever gets to a QB is when they bump into Sooner back up QB Drew Allen on their way back to the bench.  In an effort to try and compensate, the Sooners are blitzing with their nickel or dime d-back…or one of the other 7 defensive backs Stoops seems hell-bent on having in the game at the same time…which leaves Colvin on an island with the other team’s best wide receiver.  I don’t care how good a cornerback you are…if a major college QB has all day to throw, he will expose you. (Tavon Austin on the carry, gain of 41 yards)

OFFENSE

-Congrats to my ex-QB Landry Jones.  I have been hard on the kid, but I will give him his due…he was composed and rock solid down the stretch.  He had his usual one horrific throw, and a couple others that could have been crippling…but he was awesome down the stretch…

-Our offensive line is so devastated by injuries that I am a biscuit away from being a right guard….while they were unable to do much as far as a running game is concerned…Landry threw the ball 51 times without being sacked. 

-Kenny Stills…wow…best game as a Sooner.

-BellDozer almost cost us the game, not him personally, but the scheme.  It seemed more a drive and momentum killer than an effective way to extend a drive…I think it is a valuable weapon, but think that the coaches tend to over-think it and get too cute at times with the package.

-Sooners were out-coached….again.

-The Sooners came back to win a game they trailed in the fourth quarter for the first time since 2007.  The last fifteen times OU had trailed in the fourth they had lost.

SPECIAL TEAMS AND OTHER THINGS

-Brendan Clay didn’t do much at RB, but it was his 46 yard return that set up the game winning drive for the Sooners. He finished with 3 returns for 86 yards. Roy Finch also got into the act as he had 3 returns for 76 yards helping set up a Sooner score…speaking of Finch…what the hell did that boy do to end up so deep in the dog house?

-The sell beer at Milan Puskar Stadium…but other than that, the stadium is a 5 on a scale of 1-10.  I always seem to take for granted what we have facility wise until I go to road games.  Our stadium is really sweet comparatively.

-High marks for the pepperoni roll at the Puskar concession stand. (Tavon Austin on the carry, gain of 71 yards)

…As it turns out, Landry’s sixth TD pass of the night would be the game winner.  24 seconds wasn’t enough….but I wouldn’t have wanted to give them 34 seconds, I can tell you that!

“50-49…almost heaven, West Virginia, take me home, down country roads” (Tavon Austin on the carry, gain of 67 yards)

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner

Buddy Putty

 

 

 

 

SOONERS OF THE CORN

OU 35 IOWA STATE 20

Last week was just one of those weeks…there was so much I wanted to say about the disappointing loss to Notre Dame, but life just didn’t cooperate and I just didn’t have the time.  This week, I find myself with a little time, but not much to write about…

I guess I could talk about:

-How the Sooners are now 70-5-2 against Iowa State and a perfect 8-0 under Stoops…but that’s like talking about how the Harlem Globetrotters always seem to find a way to beat the Washington Generals…yawn….next. (At OU you don't get much credit for beating ISU...but losing to them can be hazzardous to your employment...just ask Gary Gibbs.)

-How much I hate games starting at 11:00 AM…but that would be like me bitching about being over-weight…chances are that both conditions are going to continue…so I either need to buy a TV network and a treadmill…or get over it.  Smart money is on the later.

I guess I could mention some of the things about the game that didn’t make sense to me…like:

-If Damian Williams’ ankle wasn’t healthy enough to start the game, then why was it all of a sudden healthy enough later in the game…and if it was healthy enough to come into the game later, then why did he only get three more carries than I did? Bottom line, why did the coaches risk further injury to his ankle by playing him 3 snaps? Can't beat ISU without D. Williams? I haven’t seen such a lousy risk/reward ratio since the dot-com days.

-Or, why did someone at ABC Sports think it would be a good idea to put a microphone on an injured Iowa State player?  While in addition to being the Cyclones top tackler, I’m sure Jake Knott is a nice kid…but unless he is going to share the meaning of life or next week’s lottery numbers then I could really give a flying rat’s ass about what he has to say.  Just guessing here, but the last thing I would think the other members of the Cyclones 101^st ranked passing defense wanted to hear while trying to catch their breath on the sidelines…is a nationally broadcasted, synthetically produced rah-rah speech from a guy with bad acne and a shoulder harness…but maybe that is just me and the 4 vodka cranberry cocktails I had before noon talking.

I guess I could write about things that puzzle me…like:

-How the hell Iowa State figured out a way to stop the Belldozer, but the other 13 teams OU has faced since the Sooners implemented the scheme into the offense last year, couldn’t.  

-Or…why the battery in my smoke detector only goes bad in the middle of the night…and then won’t even stop beeping after I have taken the battery out of the damn thing. Thank goodness for baseball bats.

I guess I could muse more about how:

-This game was another perfect illustration of how YOUR Sooner QB Landry Jones is the college football version of Sybil. The stats will read: 400 yards passing and four touchdowns…the stats will also show him to have thrown 2 INT’s that kept ISU in the game longer than they should have been.  The record book will show him to now be in the top 5 all-time in NCAA passing yards…the record book will also show him to have never played for a national crown. The game film and replays will show this kid making throws that are so insanely off the chart good that it just makes you shake your head...and the game film and replays will also show a 5^th year senior QB sliding a yard short of a first down that would have ended the game, because he wasn’t football smart enough to know what the situation was or where he was on the field.  But since I have already spent 1700 words on this subject already… it is probably time to maybe talk about something else, like…

-How we are absolutely loaded at wide receiver.  I haven’t seen this much freshman talent since I was living on the 14^th floor of Adams Tower back in 1984.  Shepherd, Neal, Metoyer are all freshman or red-shirt freshman…Stills, Brown, Bester and the seemingly un-coverable Saunders are all back next year, provided they don’t lose their mind and try to go pro…throw in the red-shirted Williams kid from California and anybody that is in-coming in the 2013 class and we are in great shape for years to come at WR. Now all we need is someone to throw it to them next year. Belldozer...needs to transform into BellAir before next season starts.

I could probably jot something down about how:

-How beat-up and depleted the OU offensive line is these days…but yet they still enabled a below average RB (Clay) to rush for over 150 yards and didn’t allow a sack of their concrete footed QB against ISU.

-Or…how in two weeks’ time, a freshman Irish QB and some guy named Steele Jantz have transformed the perception of OU’s defensive secondary from team strength to possibly the team’s biggest concern.

-Or maybe I could just jot something down about how I don’t know if I have a second wind or not, cause I never do enough anymore to run out of the first one.

If I had to, I guess I could make this blog about:

-How long the drive home was when I drove to Ames, Iowa in 2007 and watched red-shirt freshman Sam Bradford and the Sooners sleep walk to a 17-7 win against the Gene Chizik coached Cyclones…but that wouldn’t really be relevant.

-Or this blog entry could be about all the things I consider myself to be a first-hand authority on…but that would be to long.

-Or…maybe I could just write down everything I know about how a woman’s mind works: _________________ the end.

Baylor is next.  Time to right the ship at home and payback the Bears for last year’s loss in Waco.

The OAS is also traveling to Morgantown, WV the following week to watch the Sooners and Mountaineers.  If you are going, give me a shout so we can make plans to hook up. 

Administrative Note:

The OAS would like to thank Kent Coleman, Lane Wheeler, John Cox and anyone else that was involved…for their time and effort in regards to the Notre Dame tailgate.  You guys always are so hospitable…please know that all the hard work, food, booze and atmosphere that you guys work so hard to provide each week is truly appreciated.  It was a special day to see so many people that I haven’t seen in too long.

Boomer Sooner

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner (The OAS)

Buddy Putty

 

THE NOTRE DAME TAILGATE PHOTOS

The irrepressible
Kent Coleman

 

Turner & Pepper MacLean
Brett & Barbara Willis

More Gumbo?
John Cox

The OAS with pledge brother
Jeff Rogers
 

The Spesh, Mark Litton &
Chris Webb
 



Poopy Dog & Bobby Bell



McCabe Times 2
Dave and Matt
 



Kristen Nelson Lauro &
the lovely Jenny Johnston
 

Lane Wheeler
The GameDay Bartender
 

a Martin, a Lilly, a Grantham
another Martin and a Walker
 







Special Edition: Frank Luksa

FRANK LUKSA

1935-2012

I can never remember a time when I didn’t love sports….

I grew up…or should I say…I grew older…in a time before Sports Center ran highlights 24 hours a day. When I was a kid, the Braves weren’t on TBS, the Cubs weren’t on WGN, there was no NFL ticket, or MLB package.  The Rangers home games weren’t televised, and even an occasional Cowboys game would get blacked out…and due to numerous factors (like probation) rarely were my Sooners on TV. I listened to games on the radio, watched coach’s playback shows…and waited patiently for Harold Taft to do the weather so I could catch a 20 second highlight of one of my team during the sports segment of the nightly news.  But when it came to getting my sports fix…there was nothing that could rival the sports section of the newspaper.

I can never remember a time when I didn’t love the sports page…

The sports page was my recap, my highlights, my ritual, my library book…I would read every inch of it.  Pulling off the rubber band, unrolling the paper and pulling out the sports section was as much a thrill to me as running down the hall on Christmas morning.  The sports section was my first habit…one that I've yet to even attempt to kick.  I may or may not have brushed my teeth when I arrived at school each morning, but I can guarantee you that remnants of black newspaper ink could be found somewhere on my fingertips.  

Today is my birthday…so I decided I would treat myself to breakfast at my favorite place this morning….much like I do a couple times a week on days that aren’t my birthday.

Like Norm on Cheers, I enter the café to a series of hellos from my extended breakfast family and with sports page in hand, I take my seat in my customary spot.  “I will have the usual” I state to my waitress C.C. as she approaches, all the while pulling out the sports section.  When she returned moments later, tears were rolling down my face.

I got to say, the news hit me hard. 

I’d never met the man, but felt like I had known him all my life.  He had never spoken a verbal word to me, but I spent most of my life soaking up every possible thing he had to say.  He never personally gave me a single word of advice…but he influenced my perspective, made me think and taught me the ability to laugh at myself.  Yes, the news that Frank Luksa had passed away the night before hit me hard.

I had no idea how lucky I was to get to grow older reading the likes of Bud Shrake, Blackie Sherrod and Frank Luksa.  Those three all wrote for the Herald or Morning News.  Reading the columns of those three and the work of Dan Jenkins, who wrote at the Morning News before my time, are the reason I like to write and whose styles I most try to emulate. 

 “I own the distinction of working for all three metropolitan dailies and helping only one out of business.” –Frank Luksa

To me, Frank Luksa didn’t so much write about sports and he did tell a story.  For over five decades, Luksa wrote for the Herald, the Morning News and Fort Worth Star Telegram…using his wit, color and sarcasm to paint sports pictures I couldn’t get enough of. Luksa had a way of telling it like it was but in a way that seemed gentle, not critical.  As Brad Sham, the radio voice of the Cowboys is quoted as saying “The thing that Frank could do-and it’s somewhat of a lost art these days -- is be critical without being mean.”  But of all his writing flairs, it was Luksa’s self-effacing style that I most try to emulate.

With Bud Shrake having passed away in 2009 and Blackie Sherrod in 2005…Luksa was the last local link to the Dallas sports scene that I grew up in.  I guess that is why news of his death hit me so hard this morning…sometimes the good old days, just simply were...the good old days.  They don’t make many like Frank Luksa anymore, and that’s a shame.

Rest in peace Frank Luksa…thank you for all the highlights, insight, perspective and laughs that you shared with me over the years……please know that you were appreciated…and most of all....that these ink blotched fingertips will miss you.

Just the Opinion of a Lucky Guy Who Got to Read Frank Luksa

The Overweight Armchair Sooner

Buddy Putty

THE DRUM MAJOR STRUT

The OAS would like to thank Trae Anderson for taking the time and initiative to find the answer to the OU Drum Major Question I presented in the last post...

Good Stuff Trae....thank you
Plus...any chance I get to mention Gene Thrailkill is awesome!

Hey Trae -

Gene Thrailkill invented our Drum Major Strut in 1971. He wanted something unique to OU, but it was inspired by the Michigan Drum Major Strut (where Gene did his undergrad degree work). He pioneered this and the current pregame show that same year. Both have stood the test of time. Must have been a good idea!

Boomer Sooner!

BB

Brian Britt | Gene Braught Chair in Music Director, “The Pride of Oklahoma” Marching Band
Assistant Director, The School of Music

RED RIVER RIVALRY...REPEAT

OKLAHOMA 63 TEXAS 21

 ‘Coach, did you learn anything about your team today?’

“I didn’t, but you guys did” –Bob Stoops

Wow…I gotta be honest; I didn’t see that coming at all.  Sure, I thought we would have a chance to win…but this?  This was a complete ass kicking like none I have seen in my thirty years of going to the Cotton Bowl.  Don’t let the final score fool you…it wasn’t that close.  We gave them their first 8 points….the other 13 they got late in the fourth quarter when the OU coaches were sending in guys who associated being on the field with running to or from the locker room. In fact, should points even count if they are scored against guys not listed in the program and 90% of your fan base is either eating a funnel cake or on I-30?

SCATTERSHOOTING…

AND BESIDES, BIG TEX LIVES HERE

The State Fair of Texas…man I love that place.  It’s an instant tailgate party. A warm beer in a wax paper cup is 7 coupons, or the real world equivalent of $3.50.  There is no need to cook, since every possible food group is represented and available for my dining pleasure…all within a short walking distance for whomever I con into going to get it.  Easy to find picnic tables and an electric atmosphere are provided at no extra charge…so tell me again why I would ever want this game moved to Jerry’s World? 

                                              STOOP-ID GOOD

Man, it is so good to have Mike Stoops back.  This defense is getting better each week…he has players playing in the right positions (Jefferson, Colvin)…he isn’t afraid to make a change, even if it means trusting a young player (Shannon)…and he’s not afraid to challenge Bob should the need arrive. His game plan Saturday was obviously dead on genius.  Texas wouldn’t have scored a meaningful touchdown if they had played for a week.

REASON #1...AS TO WHY I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY NIKE COACHES VISOR AND BOB STOOPS DOESN’T:

What I said before the game was: I don’t think the Sooners are physical enough on offense to consistently run the ball with any kind of success.

What I meant to say before the game was:  Despite numerous injuries and players having to playing out of position, I think the OU offensive line will physically pound those soft Longhorn bastards like Kirstie Alley would a cupcake.  I expect OU running backs to go through the Horns defense like General Grant went thru Richmond, burning up the clock, the light bulbs in the scoreboard and the resolve of the Longhorns defense.  Only a whorehouse handyman travels less distance to score than Blake Bell does, so should the Sooners find themselves inside the Longhorns 5 yard line…which they often will on Saturday… look for a steady dose of the BellDozier. Three maybe even four touchdowns would not be out of the question for the Sooners back-up QB.

STEPPING IN HIGH COTTON

The OU Drum Major is a bad ass….best I have seen in years at doing that backwards head tilt thing that OU drum majors do when they lead The Pride out onto the field.  Which begs the question…why do the OU drum majors do that backwards head tilt thing that OU drum majors do when they lead The Pride out onto the field?

GOOD SEATS NOW AVAILABLE

Starting as early as midway through the second quarter…it was like a fire drill siren was going off in the Texas end of the Cotton Bowl when OU would score.  “Longhorn fans, your exits are located just above your team’s ability…as well as far below your unrealistic expectations…the bathrooms are clearly marked should you feel the need to throw-up while departing the Cotton Bowl.  Should you need further direction, a crimson dressed Sooner representative would probably me more than happy to assist you.  

‘THEY CALL ME…TATOR SALAD’

Maybe it is about time I start to recognize what we have at tailback with this Damien Williams guy. You would think that someone who was averaging over a 100 yards a game and 7 yards a carry would be getting more attention and recognition…but hell, I have trouble even remembering his name. The name on the back of his jersey is D.D. Williams.  Hell, I’ve called him Billy D, LaDanian D, David, LaDavid, Venus Williams, Andy Williams, Robin Williams, Roy Williams, that Williams guy, that JC transfer running back dude, that guy that should be starting…now I think it’s time I call him…‘pretty damn good’. (See video of his 95 yard run above)

DON’T IT MAKE YA WANT TO SMILE

Couldn’t get enough of the red beans and rice this year…good stuff, short line.  The nice lady with the hairnet who works there has a pleasant attitude and most her teeth…which can be a tough combination to find at the fair sometimes.

IS THAT YOU…OR JUST A BRILLANT DISGUISE

“It’s just unacceptable for Texas to lose to Oklahoma like that, much less anybody and especially two years in a row. I’m disappointed for our coaches, our fans and our players because that’s not who we are.”  -Texas head coach Mack Brown

Mack, either that IS who you are, or it’s the most elaborate disguise of a good football team ever seen. Dude, whatever gets you thru the day…but I’m thinking the 92,500 people who were in the Cotton Bowl are going to be more of a realist than you.

TWO BE OR NOT TWO BE

At halftime, the Texas Longhorns had: two points, two first downs, and had taken only two snaps in OU territory.  The result of those two snaps?  Well, two interceptions of course.  With all that being said, I guess the best way to describe how the Longhorns played in the first half?  Like #2. 

TWO GIVITH…

Seconds before the Sooners attempted what would be the first of many extra point tries…I turned to Kristen and said, “Just nothing bad happen here please.”  Maybe next time I should be a little more specific.  While no one died, the extra point attempt that happened next was a train wreck from the get go.  The snap was bad, the hold was worse…and the attempt by Hunnicut to still try and kick the ball…ranged from comical to downright absurd.

It was like watching Joe Bob from Poteau, OK try to win a year’s supply of cheeseburgers from Carl’s Jr in the pre-game punt pass and kick competition.  Joe Bob has about as much chance of successfully kicking the extra point as he did successfully finishing tenth grade…which is zero…which is probably good…since JB needs free burgers for a year about as much as he needs a third hidden firearm in his truck…but anyway…I digress. 

Like Joe Bob, Hunnicut shanks the kick about four feet.  But unlike Joe Bob…Hunnicut doesn’t get to wave at the crowd, hug the guy in the oversized hamburger costume and go back to his seat happy he didn’t hurt anyone...no, what Hunnicut needs to do is make a tackle.  The flat footed, standing still, Super Toe board game looking, ill-advised kick has just one hopped into the arms of a Longhorn…a fast Longhorn….Before we could even get the Sooner Schooner off the field…OU 6 Texas 2.

AND TWO TAKITH AWAY

When the Sooners pinned Texas at its own 1 yard line with about six minutes to go in the second quarter…for some reason Torrence Marshall and his legendary pregame handshake with Chris Weinke came to mind. Slightly altered…“You got my teams two points, and I’ve come to get it back!”  One play later and the Sooners had done just that.

ALSO AVAILABLE IN SOBER

An 11:00 AM kickoff means being way deep into a flask of Crown Royal Reserve before 1:00 in the afternoon, especially if you are sharing.  Undoubtedly, my near empty flask following the game was a result of Kristen hogging it when I wasn’t looking.  How she could walk straight or speak without slurring after drinking so much was impressive but disturbing…especially since I couldn’t do either.  I should talk to her about the merits of moderation, as soon as I figure out exactly what that means.

REASON #2...AS TO WHY I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY NIKE COACHES VISOR AND BOB STOOPS DOESN’T:

What I said before the game was: I was concerned that Texas was either going to run the ball down our throats, or at minimum, run it effectively enough to control the clock, tire out our defense and keep the ball away from the Sooners offense i.e.…run the ball effectively enough to win.

What I meant to say before the game was:  Texas would be better off to save themselves some heartache and just quick-kick on first down…because they won’t be able to run the ball against this Sooner defense.   Our defense line will control the line of scrimmage…which will allow our linebackers to be on Longhorn running backs like rats on Cheetos.  I would be willing to bet that I average more oz. of Crown per sip…than Gray and Bergeron do yards per carry…which would mean we are all getting hammered during the game. No running game for Texas means, no chance to win.

FEELINGS, NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS

I guess the one thing that I would say that was a little disappointing about this year’s OU/Texas was the overall vibe of the weekend.  Definite down in comparison to those of the past….certainly not bad…but not that electric feel to it that the weekend usually possesses. Not even enough people after the game to take the annual group photo…first time in 10 years.

GOODBYE TEXAS

Needless to say, the Sooners played an almost perfect game against the Horns on Saturday.  While I was hopeful of a victory, I certainly didn’t see a scenario where OU would totally and completely kick their ass like they did…but they did. It will be very interesting to see where the Longhorns go from here…if they tank like last year, then is it possible that we might have just seen the last of Mack Brown? Hope not.

47 STRAIGHT REASONS WHY

If nothing else, the victory should help shine the spotlight a little brighter on what lays just ahead.  The Sooners should take care of Kansas at home this weekend…which would set up a prime time showdown with Notre Dame the following weekend in Norman. Hopefully, the Irish will come to Owen Field undefeated…giving the Sooners a chance to serve up some long-overdue revenge.  I can’t wait….see you in Norman.  Beat KU.

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner

Buddy Putty

DEAR JOHN LETTER TO LANDRY JONES

(Sorry it's a little long this week...for some reason I had a lot to say!)

“It’s over: Two words…Three vowels…Four consonants…Seven letters.  It can either cut you open to the core, leaving you in ungodly pain…or it can free your soul and lift a tremendous weight off your shoulders”     –Maggi Richard

Dear Landry:

This letter is to inform you that I no longer wish to continue our relationship.  Yes, that’s right…I’m breaking up.  Yes, I realize that we've done this before, but this time it’s different, this time it’s for real. This time, we won't be making-up, nor will there be any begging to get back together.  There won't be any couple’s therapy, or QB camp, nor any extra time spent watching film. I won’t be changing my mind, nor will I be having a change of heart.  The bridge is burnt, the curtain has dropped and the fat lady has sung.  This manic, rollercoaster ride we’ve been on for the last three years has just came to a screeching f-ing halt…in fact…I’m surprised The Purple Wildcat out front of Gaylord Memorial Stadium didn’t tell you. Yes, Landry….this thing between you and me…it’s over. 

I’m sorry that it's come to this, I really am. I haven’t had to break up with an OU quarterback since I left Eric Moore for Justin Fuente back in 1997...but I am just too unhappy to go on like this anymore.  Truth be told, I had secretly wished for you to turn pro after last season so the possibility of something like this wouldn’t exist…but you didn’t. Once I heard the news that you were returning, I'll admit that I was more excited than I was disappointed.  Maybe I thought I'd miss you, or that I'd be unable to replace you with someone I cared about…I don’t know exactly why, but I let myself fall for you again. That was obviously a big mistake. Just like that 39 game home winning streak we use to have...this thing between you and me…it’s over.

I apologize for airing our dirty laundry in print…I would've preferred to just scream obscenities at you anonymously from the stands or maybe call into one of the sports radio talk show as “Bobby from Bixby” and rant about how much you suck like most normal OU fans do…but I'm just too upset, to emotional.  Maybe I just needed you to know how disappointed I am…or maybe I thought a public break up might serve as some sort of exorcism- or maybe the reason I’m writing this letter is that I needed a forum in which to ask you the following question: how is it even f-ing possible for a fifth year senior to play as shitty as you did last Saturday night?  Just like the unbeaten series record we use to have against Baylor….this thing between you and me…it’s over.

I remember when we first met.  It was in Dallas…September of 2009 and we were playing BYU in the season opener.  I was seeing Heisman Trophy winner Sam Bradford at the time.  Sam and I had been together for two years and I thought we were in a really good place; but unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, our relationship would soon become more than he could shoulder.  With Sam lying on the Cowboy Stadium turf, your image was suddenly flashed onto the giant Jumbotron.  The shock of realizing that you were going into the game, combined with the panic of trying to find your helmet gave your eyes a look normally found on a deer…right before it becomes a hood ornament.  You were so young, so naive…nothing more than a baby faced QB from New Mexico with a big arm and a horribly bad 70’s porn mustache. Looking back, I guess you could say the porn ‘stache was a sign….cause Landry you have been screwing us ever since. Landry…just like The Beatles, typewriters, pay phones, soap-on-a-rope and demands for your autograph …this thing between you and me…it’s over.

Look, I know I'm not without fault here.  I realize now that in the beginning I was so enamored with your cannon of an arm, that I was willing to overlook other things…things that would eventually become fatal to our long term relationship.  Your poor footwork, your inability or unwillingness to look off safeties and your dreadful play on the road were all things that I guess I thought would change. I thought you'd grow up.  I assumed that you'd learn from your previous failures.  I held onto the hope that one day the light would come on for you…and when it did, you'd lead us to the Promised Land.  Yo, Landry…I’ve been to Shreveport my man…and it ain’t the Promised Land.  I believed in you, defended you to my friends…but after Saturday night…just like our national title dreams, the disco era, & RJ Washington’s NFL career, this thing between you and me…it’s over.

“Can you ever remember a time when we couldn’t stand to be apart, a time when we enjoyed every single moment that we were together?” - Yep, me neither

Look, don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying that we didn’t ever have a good time or a great moment together…cause we did…But even the good times and great moments that you were able to cook up from time to time, too often were accompanied with an unnecessary side order of trauma or drama that was hard to swallow.  For example: In 2010 you threw for 468 yards and 4 TD’s to beat OSU in Stillwater. But it took a liter of Crown Royal that night to help me digest the fact that you also threw 3 INT’s, including one that was returned for a TD that almost cost us the game.  Yes, you won a BCS Bowl game…which is a pretty big deal when you take into consideration that neither of OU’s Heisman Trophy winning QB’s can make that claim.  In fact, not since Nate Hybl gave me Roses in 2003 had a QB done that for me…but again, you even made winning that 2010 Fiesta Bowl harder than it needed to be. That pick 6 you threw just before half allowed an overmatched UConn team to hang around in the game way longer than they should've.  Then in 2011, with our backs against the wall and the Seminole war chant ringing in our ears, you took us the length of the field to win on the road in Tallahassee. It was a great drive and a great win, but it was made necessary in part because of the two INT’s you'd thrown earlier in the game.  

But Landry…I challenge anyone that doesn’t require a dog and a stick to cross a busy street, to find one positive thing about your performance last Saturday night.  The best thing I can come up with is that it might actually of been the most consistent you have been in a game your entire career.  From Star Spangle Banner to ‘Please Drive Home Safely’ you truly sucked. But amongst all the stupid shit you did Saturday night, there is one moment that to me, will forever be your signature Sooner QB moment…and the moment that I knew…just like Milli Vanilli, New Coke, The Berlin Wall and John Travolta’s heterosexual status…this thing between you and me….it’s over.

The score was 3-0 OU…it was third and long…you were deep in your own territory…You dropped back…you had time…you made your reads…and decided nobody was open.  This is where a younger, inexperienced 2010 Landry Jones might've made a game changing mistake...but this was no young, inexperienced Landry…This was 2012 fifth year senior Landry…the four year starter Landry…this Landry has been in this type situation before and learned from it….right Landry? Hello?

…we interrupt this 2012 bone-head Landry Jones moment….in order to flashback to this 2010 Landry Jones bone-head moment…

Surely you know what situation I am talking about…2010, Cotton Bowl, Texas Longhorns, OU winning 28-20, 3rd and long, deep in your own territory. Anything ring a bell yet?   

Ok…you drop back to throw…you have time, but nobody is open so you start to waddle to your right like a fat girl headed to the turkey leg line. I scream NO please don’t, you hold the ball out like its water for a marathon runner, I scream NO again only louder with an obscenity attached, then too nobody’s surprise but yours, you're caught and hit near your own goal line. Remember now?

I scream &%#*, you fumble, I scream &%#* again only louder, and then watch in horror as the five Longhorns who gang tackled you, lunge toward the ball.  Amazingly, it somehow rolls out of bounds. I pound down some Crown and give a nod of thanks to God above and start the process of apologizing to all those around me that deserve one, which is ¾ of section 24. Catastrophe is adverted, your life is spared, we win the game and I go drink with my friend Big Tex. Anything?

I guess the fact that you don’t remember makes sense, because if you had remembered then you might of learned from it. If you had, then maybe you'd have done what you were supposed to do when you found yourself in such an eerily similar situation Saturday night.  What you should have done was throw the ball to Bill and Eileen Wickersham. The Wickersham’s live in Guthrie where they raise two kids, run a small business and attend the First Baptist Church on most Sunday’s. They also happen to sit in seats 6 & 7 on the 16^th row of section 32 during OU home games…section 32 is located on the east side of the stadium…and most importantly, it is at least 30 yards from the nearest KSU defender. 

But you didn’t throw the ball to the nice people from Guthrie did you Landry? Instead, you decide to ‘roll out and try to make something happen.’  There are so many things wrong about this choice that it makes my head hurt.  First of all, you’re not the f-ing Make a Wish Foundation, so quit trying to ‘make something happen’. Making something happen is what redshirt freshman do right before they get benched.  Secondly, you run like you should have a Jerry Lewis hosted telethon named after you.  I could be wrong, but rarely would I think it a good idea for people whose forty yard dash times are recorded with a sun dial, to try and use speed as a way to avoid crisis, but that’s just my opinion. Third and most importantly, is the fact that you've done this kind of thing before and should've known better than to try and do it again.

But clearly you never learn and you’re never going to change because…You waddle to your right like a Kardashian girl chasing a camera…all the while holding the ball like you’re allergic to it.  Before I can even cuss you, you've been sacked. One cue, you fumble…on cue, I spew Crown Royal.  The 14 K-State players surrounding the ball play rock-paper-scissors to determine who gets to score the easiest TD in Wildcats history.  I start dialing American Airlines to cancel the plane tickets I recently bought to Morgantown…just like pet rocks, answering machines, Dick Clark and OU’s top 10 ranking…this thing between you and me….it’s over.

Landry…you and I…we just aren’t a good match.   When it comes to making good decisions at crucial moments, it’s like you turn into Charlie Sheen in a helmet and shoulder pads. Look, I like Charlie Sheen, been known to do an imitation or two of him myself from time to time…but I don’t want a relationship with the guy. Maybe even that would be all right if I were equipped with the proper anger management skills necessary to handle you’re never ending bone head mistakes like an adult….but I’m not.  The bottom line is that after last Saturday night, I don’t trust you anymore.  It was one thing to act like an idiot when you were young and playing on the road…but now as a red-shirt senior you've brought that brain-dead shit into our home…and that…I can’t and won’t tolerate.

Hell, come to think of it, Charlie Sheen would be a better choice at QB than you Landry…at least he is winning.

Landry, just like this Dear John Letter…you and me….it’s over.

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner