Special Announcement for Game Day 10/30

                      "If it looks like a taco, and smells like fish, it must be a tasty dish"

The Overweight Armchair Sooner is pleased to announce the opening of Fuzzy’s Taco Shop on Campus Corner in Norman, Oklahoma.

Come join me @ Fuzzy’s this Saturday, October 30th for $2.00 tacos & $2.00 beers…both of which I will be enjoying on Fuzzy’s 3000 sq. foot beer garden patio.

Scott McKnight and I will be posted up at a big table on the back patio in front of the 2 outdoor 50” TV’s from 1:00pm until kickoff. Come by and say hello…if you mention you heard about Fuzzy’s from The OAS Blog, your first beer is on me…if you are a cute single girl, you don’t have to mention anything…all your beers are on me.

If you are having a hard time getting in because of the line…give Scott (817.271.8899) or Buddy Putty (214.538.4475) a call and we will big time you through the game.

See you in Norman on Saturday...Beat the Buffs

Boomer Sooner

Game Day @ Fuzzy's

                                                                                   

SOONERS ARE TIGER BAIT

This blog is dedicated to my friend and fellow Sooner fan Ken Haigler, who passed away on Monday, October 25th. Boomer Sooner my friend…your contagious smile and laugh will be missed. Section 5 @ Memorial Stadium won’t be the same without you.


The referee blew his whistle and pointed at the guy we call our kicker. The reason we call him kicker is because calling him “since the rules prohibit us from faking a kickoff…we are forced to choose someone to kick the ball…and from the choices we have available to us…this guy sucks the least” would be awkward for TV announcers and even harder to print in the game program.

Our “kicker” nods back at the ref like they share some sort of secret…and then starts his half jog, half hop scotch approach to the football. Kicking with the wind at his back…the ball flutters into the air end over end ‘all the way’ to the 14 yard line, where it comes to rest in the arms of somebody named Gahn McGaffie.

Here is what the entire Mizzou Nation could tell you about Gahn McGaffie prior to this moment: who?

Gahn…is pronounced like John…and rhymes with gone…which turns out to be very appropriate…because that is exactly what he and the Sooners #1 ranking were seconds after he touched the ball.
(**If the name you choose for your son is going to be pronounced John, then why not just name the kid John for God’s sake and save him from having to explain it his entire life? Buddy Putty might sound stupid, but at least it is pronounced like its spelled. If I was Buhdee Putty, then in edition to explaining why on earth my parents must have hated me…I would also have to explain how it was pronounced and why the hell it was spelled that way. **The opinion of The OAS is not necessarily the view shared by others, most especially Mr. & Mrs. McGaffie)

Normally, if an opponent tries to return one of our ‘kickers’ high and short kickoffs landing on that side of the field…they find themselves waking up in the same spot a few minutes later. But with Ronnell “The Hammer” Lewis out with an injury, Gahn McGaffie drove a nail through the heart of the Sooner Nation, going 86 yards for a touchdown. It was an omen…and certainly set the tone for what would be a night of big plays by the Tigers and missed opportunities for the Sooners.

PLEASE DON’T FEED THE ANIMALS
In addition to the kickoff return, I thought these were the key factors Saturday night:

The Un-Cover 2 Defense
The Missouri offense was suppose to be pretty good, but the OU defense made them look great. There was no pass rush, poor tackling…and horrid coverage in the secondary which resulted in Missouri racking up 486 yards of total offense. Blaine Gabbert picked apart the Sooners cover 2 defense in exactly the spot you are suppose to attack a cover 2 defense…over the middle. Once the Sooners were back on their heels the Tigers were able to run the ball effectively for 178 yards…most of them coming up the middle…where the Sooners were vulnerable. Defensive tackle is a problem spot that has been made worse by injury…the DL problem got exposed Saturday night.

Red-Zone
The Landry Jones pass that was tipped, intercepted and then returned 58 yards was a HUGE momentum swing in the game. Along with the Madu fumble, the Sooners left points in the Mizzou red zone…those are points that you have to have to win on the road. Sooners are now just 22-18 on the road or at a neutral site since 2005

F-ing Kicker
Shockingly, there was another situation involving an OU kicker that helped contribute to the loss. After recovering a fumble, the Sooners were unable to convert for a TD. The drive stalled at the 11 yard line after a penalty. Place Kicker Jimmy Stevens then duck hooked a 28 yard field goal. The ball went so far left, he would have been out of bounds had he been playing golf. Missouri subsequently went down the field and added three points to their lead when their kicker made his field goal (for those of you who are confused…your team is awarded three points when they kick the ball and it actually goes thru the goal posts)

BRIGHT SPOT
As noted here last week…Roy Finch is on the verge of greatness…look for him to get more and more carries…because he deserves them and because Madu keeps fumbling.

INSULT TO INTELLIGENCE
I know it is easy for the media and fans to second guess head coaching decisions, especially when they don’t work out. There is also little doubt that head coaches get tired of being asked about every single decision that they make. Bob Stoops is paid and paid well to make big decisions…but that does not always mean he is right every single time….and Saturday night was one of those times.

I don’t care what Bob Stoops says in defense of his decision to go for two with three minutes to go in the game…the decision was just flat wrong. Even if the play works and the Sooners convert, it would have still been the wrong decision…he just would have got away with it. Any explanation other than “I made a mistake” is an insult to the intelligence of anyone who knows anything about football. The risk vs. reward of going for two in that situation was so out of whack that it should have been a no brainer.

“Why not go for two there,” said Coach Stoops.
Here is why: because if your attempt for two fails…then you have to score twice and you have NO CHANCE to win…that’s why

Stoops: “You have to go for two at some point right, and if you go for two then you know what you have to do with your kickoff. If we made the two-points we could have kicked it deep, used our timeouts and still had a chance. So to me it was the right time to go for it.”
Answer just doesn’t make sense. Kick the extra point, then you know exactly what to do…kick deep, play defense and use your timeouts…and still have a chance. Failure to make two at that point gave OU no chance.

“I don’t understand why that is a question,” said Coach Stoops.
Well, that is just arrogant. It is a question because the decision you made was wrong

Stoops: “To me it is the absolute thing to do because if we get the two we have the option of kicking it deep and using timeouts and getting the ball back. If you don’t get it you know what you have to do, you have to on-side it. To me it was the only thing to do. My point is if I am going to go for two now or if I have to make it at the end of the game why does it matter when I go for it?
Why does it matter when you try it? Seriously? Because as already pointed out…failure to convert at that point, makes every thing going forward irrelevant…that’s why! If you kick the extra point don’t have to worry about recovering an on-side kick because you don’t have to try one.

But Bob decided to go for two…and when it failed...the only “worry” Bob had left was how to get his team off the field without being hit by the goal posts the Missouri Tiger fans were going to be tearing down.

I LOVE Bob Stoops…wouldn’t trade him for anybody. I love Big Game Bob, and Riverboat Gambler Bob, and Side Show Bob, and Bob Barker, and even Bob Newhart…but I don’t like Dumb Bob. There is a difference in being a gambler and being stupid. I am not going to ‘stoop’ to calling Bob stupid…but the decision was not smart coaching. I truly hope that his usual defiant, ‘you don’t know football like I know football answer’ was just that…a defiant answer…because if he truly believes that going for 2 points was the right thing to do…then this whole thing will be just like it was…pointless.

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
The Overweight Armchair Sooner

Buddy Putty

HOMECOMING FLOATS SOONERS TO #1 IN BCS

WEEK 6 RECAP

OKLAHOMA 52 IOWA ST. 0

“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do” – Three Dog Night

With apologies to the band Three Dog Night, one may have company soon.

Scattershooting…The Sooners vaulted to the top spot in the BCS ranking with a homecoming thrashing of the Iowa State Cyclones last Saturday night in Norman. The 52-0 win moves the Sooners to 6-0 for the first time since 2004…and sets up a showdown in the Show Me State this Saturday night against the undefeated Missouri Tigers.

Don’t get me wrong, The OAS loves him some #1…but that being said, I was a little surprised that the Sooners topped the initial BCS rankings released Sunday night. Guess I just kind of figured…if it runs like the Ducks, throws like the Ducks and plays like the Ducks…then it might be the Ducks @ number 1…but hey, what the duck do I know.

In a sign that I might be getting old and or lazy….I didn’t make it to Norman for the game Saturday night. The late start and likely possibility of a blowout…combined with TV offerings of Rangers/Yankees, Horns/Huskers and of course OU/ISU made it a good day to hang out and get some things done around the couch.

I have seen the future…and his name is Roy Finch. The freshman RB is lightning quick and looks to be everything he was advertised to be. Have to be excited about the possibilities that a Finch and Clay tandem bring. Just can’t say or type enough good things about this freshman class.

Note to RB Jermie Calhoun…please see your academic counselor…it will be important to know how many of your completed hours will be accepted at whatever Div II school you will be transferring too.

Announced start time for the Oct. 30th OU/Colorado game is 8:10 P.M. Wow…that could make for a long and ugly day…Since me and moderation have never gotten along that well…there is a better than average chance I might be a drunk Sooner fan for Halloween again this year.

I don’t want to sound like a broken record but…Saturday night, Landry Jones completed 30 of his 34 passes. After a couple tries, my calculator informed me that works out to be a completion ratio of over 88%...a new single game Sooner record. I don’t care if your playing Iowa State, Midwestern State or wards of the state…completing 88% of your passes is not an easy thing to do. Congratulations to DeMarco Murray for breaking the all time University of Oklahoma touchdown record previously held by Steve Owens. Here is hoping that DeMarco spends the rest of the year making the TD record one that will be almost impossible to break.

On a rare serious note…I want to take a minute to congratulate the Sooners players and coaches on being ranked #1 in the BCS this week. The ranking is a testament to both your talent and hard work…both of which are admired by this fan.

In this blog I often joke and poke fun at some of the players, coaches and events that take place during the course of the season…but make no mistake about it…my attempt at humor is nothing more than a cover for my jealousy. This blog would be a perfect example of ‘those who can’t...talk about those who can.’ I admire the dedication and determination of each and every one of the players and coaches who wear the crimson and cream…and consider it a privilege to be a Sooner fan.


Beat Mizzou…Boomer Sooner

Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy


The Overweight Armchair Sooner


Buddy Putty

THIS....IS SOONERS JEOPARDY

Bob Berry: "Welcome back to a special edition of Sooners Jeopardy!  Our spotlight today: Sooner Football in the 1990’s. Along with former OU assistant coach Merv Johnson, I'm your host, Bob Barry. Before we continue with our double jeopardy round…let’s take a minute and reacquaint ourselves with today's contestants."
"First…from Houston, TX…this former Sooner linebacker spent 14 years as an assistant under Barry Switzer before being named his replacement in 1989. In his six year tenure as head coach, the Sooners went 44-23-2, won two bowl games and didn’t have a single starting QB convicted of drug trafficking. With a first round total of $0…Please say hello to Robin or rather Barry, excuse me, I mean Gary Gibbs, there we go, ha-ha...."

Merv Johnson: "Wow, Bob…you were only one Gibb brother shy of getting the Bee Gees back together."

Gary Gibbs: "Does anyone remember that the program had just been put on probation when I was hired? I did what I was hired to do, but I can see that I still don’t get any respect around here."

Bob Berry: "Sounds like the coach is doing some Jive Talkin’ to me, what about you, Coach?"

Merv Johnson: "Good one, Bob. You really know your disco."

Bob Berry: "Our second contestant is a 76 year old native of Louisville, Kentucky. His tenure on the Sooners sideline lasted for only the 1995 season. Under his influence, the Sooners finished 5-5 on the field that year…Off the field…he finished 7&7’s leaving the former Sooner coach simply under the influence. His first round total of negative $20.20 has him in second place….bartenders please welcome back to Norman...Howard Schwarzkoff."

Merv Johnson: “Uh, Bob, I believe his name is Schnellenberger”

Bob Berry: "Oh, ha-ha… I believe your right, Merv…check that...please welcome…How…"

Howard Schnellenberger: "My name is Schnellenberger, Howard Schnellenberger…and someday, they will write books and make movies about my time here”

Gary Gibbs: “Movies? More like a bad sitcom pilot. Wow, did they really force me to resign so they could hire this inebriated version of Captain Kangaroo?”

Bob Barry: “Afraid so, Coach Joe Gibbs…check that…Gary Gibbs. Our final contestant played on the defensive line for the Sooners from 1979-1982. Named the Sooners head coach in 1996, he became the first African-American coach in school history…He is also believed to be the first OU head coach, regardless of ethnicity, to make sweat bands part of his game day wardrobe. Currently in last place with a total of -$10,000…say hello to Robert Blake” (Chants of boo)

Howard Schnellenberger: “Robert Blake? I thought Baretta was a white guy?”

Bob Berry: “Check that…John Blake…49/5-11/350/Non-Decipherable Communications Major out of San Springs Page High School…and no those aren’t boo’s you’re hearing Sooner fans. The people here are simply welcoming Coach Blake by using his nickname…which of course is…Boo”

Merv Johnson: “No Bob, I hate to say it, but I believe those are, in fact…real boo’s”

John Blake: “I would like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for it is through him, that all things are possible.”

Howard Schnellenberger: “all things except win a home game in 1996”

Bob Berry: OK, OK settle down guys…let’s take a look at the categories on the board for today’s Double Jeopardy Round. They are:

     POTENT POTABLES
     I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS…Sooners Bowl History in the 1990’s
     100% COTTON…OU-TX games played in the decade of the 90’s
     HORRORS @ HOME…worst home game losses in the 1990’s
     CALE TO THE CHIEF…Sooner Quarterbacks in the 90’s…And finally…
     PETERS CHASE GOODE BEAVERS…OU Defensive Stars of the 90’s


Merv Johnson: “Bob, I believe Gary controls the board to start this round”

Bob Berry: “Who? Oh, right…almost forgot…Coach Gibbs…58/6-2/207 Criminal Rehab Major from Spring Branch High School in Houston, TX….Coach, if you would, please select a category”

Gary Gibbs: “I’ll take CALE TO THE CHIEF for $400 Bob”

Bob Berry: “This Sooner QB transferred to Louisville after the 1995 season, his only one in Norman. He completed his college career at UofL as the NCAA Division 1-A career leader in passing completions with 1,679 and attempts with 1,031….and his 12,541 rushing yards ranked him third all time.” (Response buzzer)…Coach Schwarzenegger:

Howard Schnellenberger: “Who is Tom Collins? (Incorrect Horn)

Merv Johnson: Howard, I believe that is a cocktail (Response buzzer) Coach Blake?

John Blake: “First, I would like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for it is through him, that all things are possible.”…Who is Eric Moore? (Incorrect Horn)

Bob Berry: That is correct….check that (Response buzzer)

Gary Gibbs: Bob, first of all, you got the completion and attempts stats backwards…and…his 12,541 yards were passing yards, not rushing….that being said…the correct answer is Chris Redman. (Incorrect Horn)… What?

Merv Johnson: Coach Gibbs…I’m afraid it’s not your job to try and fix things around here anymore. And while, yes, Chris Redmond is the correct answer… your response was not phrased in the form of question, so the Sooner Nation is unable to give you the credit you think you deserve.”

Gary Gibbs: “why am I not shocked?”

Bob Berry: Just like we did after the 1994 season….lets move on to Coach Henry Schnellenberger…76/6-1/219…History & Traditions major from Flaget High School in Louisville, Kentucky. Coach, it’s your ball, first down on the 51st yard line…please select a category

Howard Schnellenberger: “I’ll take WHORE HOUSES for a round of drinks”

Bob Berry: “Uh, Merv, help me out here.”

Merv Johnson: “Bob, I believe he means HORRORS @ HOME for $200”

Bob Berry: “Oh, ha, ha…The Sooners had downed this opponent for 30 straight years before being upset at home on October 20, 1990 by a final of 33-31.” (Response buzz) Coach Schnatzenberger:

Howard Schnellenberger: Who is Jack Daniels? (Incorrect Horn)

Merv Johnson: Howard, I believe that is another cocktail…maybe you should give the POTENT POTABLES category a “shot” (Response buzz) Coach Blake:

John Blake: “First, I would like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for it is through him, that all things are possible…..”

Bob Berry: And?

John Blake: Oh, that’s all I got. I just figured since the category was about home losses I should buzz in. (Incorrect Horn) (Response buzzer)

Bob Berry: Coach Gibson?

Gary Gibbs: Sadly, I remember that game all to well…Who is Iowa State?

Bob Berry: “30, 25, 20, 15, 10, 5…touchdown Sooners!”

Merv Johnson: “Uh, wait a minute Bob…There is a flag on the field…this one is going to be called back.

Gary Gibbs: “Why?”

Merv Johnson: “Because you were the coach when OU lost to Iowa State for the first time in 30 years…that kind of thing give you no credibility with the Sooner Nation”

Gary Gibbs: “This is ridiculous”

Bob Berry: “Coach Bliss, please select a category.”

John Blake: “The name is Blake. Bob, I’d like to pick COTTON…for $800” (Daily Double Bell)

Howard Schnellenberger: “did he just say he’s pickin’ cotton for $800?”

Merv Johnson: “Howard, be careful, that kind of behavior will not be tolerated”

Bob Berry: John has selected the category 100% COTTON…and that’s today’s Daily Deuce…John, since you have -$10,600, you can wager up to a $3000.

Merv Johnson: “Didn’t you mean double, Bob?”

Howard Schnellenberger: “make mine a double too”

Bob Berry: That’s what I said…Daily Double. (Response buzzer)

Howard Schnellenberger: “What is a Gin Martini?

Bob Berry: “I’m sorry Hubert, but on the Daily Double question, only the contestant choosing the category is eligible to answer. Again, the category 100% COTTON pertains to OU-TX games played in the 1990’s”

Gary Gibbs: “If this question involves Peter Gardere or one of those damn Cash brothers, I swear I am going to walk off this stage”

Howard Schnellenberger: “Will that “resignation” be effective immediately…or will you wait until after you lose another Copper Bowl by 25?”

Bob Berry: “Guys, guys…we’re all family here”…Coach Blair…how much are you risking?

John Blake: “My name is Blake, and I’ll wager my job, my reputation and my coveted Nike sweat bands”

Gary Gibbs: “what about all the money that the NFL sports agents are paying you under the table?”

Bob Berry: “So for absolutely nothing…Here is the answer….1996 was the first time the game between Oklahoma & Texas was settled in this manner.”

John Blake: “First, I would like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for it is through him, that all… (Out of time buzzer)

Merv Johnson: “I’m sorry; the answer we were looking for was…What is overtime?”

John Blake: But I didn’t get a chance to finish what I started here!

Merv Johnson: John, you were never going to get it right. Hell, you had J.T. Thatcher at running back when the whole world knew he was a safety…and who was going to be your QB…Patrick Fletcher?”

(BUZZER)

Bob Berry: That sound means that it is time for today’s Sooner Final Jeopardy! Today’s Sooner Final Jeopardy! Category is brought to you by: The Oklahoma Ford Dealers Association. Stop in at your local Ford dealer today and ’Grab life by the Horns’…Ford Trucks: There’s tough, then there’s Ram Tough”…And by the good folks at Shelter Insurance…“Where spending 15 minutes in the good hands of a good neighbor, can save you 20% on car insurance.” Merv, tell the good people what we have today:

Merv Johnson: “Well, what we have today are probably two more sponsors than we’ll have tomorrow, now that you just completely mangled their slogans. But regardless….today’s Sooner Final Jeopardy! Category is: Tradition

Bob Berry: “The answer is…the decade OU fans are trying to forget”
Let’s take a look at what the coaches wrote down…Coach Gibbs…What was your answer?

Merv Johnson: Uh Bob, since the Sooners were on probation, Coach Gibbs is not eligible for post season play.

Coach Gibbs: You have got to be kidding me….that wasn’t even my fault! Why am I even here?

Bob Berry: Coach Saltalamacchia?

Howard Schnellenberger: Damn it old man, I am about to kick your ass if you don’t get my name right….”What is the prohibition era?”

Bob Berry: “No, I’m sorry…that is incorrect”….let’s see your wager…you put: “I bet that you can’t out drink my wife”…Well, isn’t that special...moving on to Coach Boo…lets see your answer Coach.

John Blake: “I don’t remember recruiting anyone name DeCade?”…

Bob Berry: "While that may be so, your answer is incorrect…and you wagered: that Bob Stoops will never last past three season.”

John Blake: Without my kids…you forgot that part!

Bob Berry: That’s all the time we have today…for Bob Berry, I am Merv Johnson…join us next time on…This is Sooners Jeopardy! when our contestants will be: Mike Leach, Mark Mangino & Jenny Craig.


Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy

The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Buddy Putty

UGLY NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD

WEEK 5 SPECIAL OU-TX EDITION RECAP

OKLAHOMA 28 TEXAS 20

“Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night…you ain’t a beauty, but hey you’re alright…Oh and that’s alright with me” - Thunder Road / Bruce Springsteen

The 2010 edition of the Red River Rivalry may have featured two equally matched teams playing at a neutral site in front of an evenly divided fan base...but there was nothing middle of the road about which team benefited most from the games key moments. Seemingly every bounce, every break, every penalty or crucial mistake went the Sooners way… but as is the trend in 2010…the Sooners and their fans found it a little to close for comfort at the end.

Yes, it was ugly…but you are not going to hear me complain. Believe me, I am thrilled that the Sooners are undefeated…and lets face it…any win over the Longhorns is a good win. Besides, I appreciate and understand the concept of “ugly with a happy ending”…hell, that was the fundamental basis of my dating strategy for a few years in the 90’s. That being said, it sure would be easier on my liver and the eardrums of those sitting around me, if the Sooners would put teams away when given the opportunity. OU had that chance again Saturday, but for the fourth time in five games, the Sooners chose to ugly it up before ultimately getting what they wanted. Ugly…Yes…but a win nonetheless…Oh, and that’s alright with me.

THE WEEKEND
This was one of the best OU-Texas weekends I have had in years.

Golf on Friday was great and not just because I birdied #18 to win the money. Thank you to David Matheson and Spesh for organizing the outing. Also, thank you to Evan & Kolczun for putting up with Spesh and me getting hammered and talking through your backswing the entire back nine. (Note to self: Your swing tends to get a little loose and quick after your 13th beer.)

I would like to say a special thank you to those that hosted parties on Thursday and Friday nights…I appreciate you including me. The opportunity to see everyone is what makes OU-Texas so special.

Also…last but not least…thank you to those who went with me to Adair’s Friday night/Saturday morning…The OAS may be getting old, but he still has a move or two left on the dance floor. Good time.

THE PRE-GAME
I can’t even begin to tell you how much more enjoyable the OU-Texas game day experience becomes when the game starts at 2:30 instead of 11:00 am.

The State Fair fried item of the year: Fried Beer. Seriously? Just stop. Not even The OAS has any interest in a deep fried Pabst Blue Ribbon. You want a new approach to beer? How about lowering the number of coupons I have to give the dentally challenged lady who hands them to me?

Great time before the game this year…I remained reasonably sober, offended few if any….and even ate my pork chop sandwich without getting any BBQ sauce on my game day shirt.

THE GAME

The Good….
Landry Jones. Except for one heart stopping, Crow Royal chugging, profanity spewing, people shielding their children from me moment…Landry was terrific. With the Horns defense doing all it could to shut down Broyles, Jones spread the ball around…completing passes to seven different receivers. His management of the no huddle offense gave the Sooners a 14 point lead they would never relinquish…and his throw to Kenny Stills for a touchdown was as good as it gets.

In my opinion, DeMarco Murray and his play making ability was the difference in the game. His 115 yards rushing included a spectacular, tight rope walking, somersaulting TD run that will be an OU-TX highlight for years.

Freshman getting playing time in an OU-TX game…DB Colvin, WR Stills, FB Millard, DB Jefferson, DT Noble, RF LB Wort…I cant remember a time that so many freshman or red-shirt freshman were not only getting in the game, but doing so at critical times…then playing well when they do. It makes for an exciting future IMO

The defense was much better…the Longhorns didn’t take a snap in Sooner territory until mid-third quarter….but why they let up with a big lead is a troubling trend.

The Bad…
Making concessions:
The ice from the concession stands was nasty…it looked like a sand box at the bottom of all my drinks. I finally just had to start re-filling before it got to low to keep from getting grossed out.

And speaking of concessions: This could only happen to The OAS

Thankfully I have matured enough to have avoided a potentially ugly scene at the concession stand during half-time. A lady in a Texas shirt, who was old enough to be Abraham Lincoln’s wife…shuffled her little shriveled self past about 30 people to the front of the concession stand line. Being the patient type that I am, I just took a deep breath and resumed staring at the extremely hot UT girl dressed in a broom skirt and cowboy hat to my left.

The guy behind me clearly did not share the same respect for elders that I do…because he basically told her to move her blue-haired ass to the back of the line. Mrs. Lincoln, shockingly, turns out to be a little hard of hearing. The guy behind me, who safe to say is not a fan of the Golden Girls, reiterates his suggestion in a manner that would not go unheard…nor would it go ignored.

Mrs. Lincoln also turns out to be rather feisty…which is unfortunate since she was also very quick to wrongly accuse. Sounding like Katherine Hepburn in ‘On Golden Pond’…Mrs. L starts pointing and screaming obscenities at me like I am John Wilkes Booth.

Instantly…the anti-AARP guy behind me decides he doesn’t need anymore un-washed ice or verbal abuse from the Civil War era…and bolts. The hot Texas chick I had been mentally planning my future with…is now starring at me like she had just watched me slap Betsy Ross.

Abe’s wife has now made her way over into my personal space so she can point out what a rude, disrespectful young whippersnapper I am. I guess she felt the situation required more than just a reprimand…because Driving Miss Daisy is also poking me in the chest with her stage three arthritic index finger.

Luckily for both of us, I have been taking my medication and was still two large souvenir cups of Crown Royal away from my intended destination. So instead of congratulating her on surviving the Titanic or inquiring as to whether or not honest Abe was any good in bed… I just stated laughing…she didn’t.

About the time I started to think there was a real chance that I was going to get my ass kicked by the “Where’s the Beef Lady”, a Texas fan from one line over stepped in. He explained to the former first lady that I was not the one who had called her out…at which she replied…”doesn’t matter, all you Oklahoma assholes are the same”…Good one Mary Todd Lincoln…good one.

The Just plain ugly
“That’s what you want…To be criticized for winning. That’s Oklahoma football.”-Bob Stoops

OK, the field goal kicking thing is not funny anymore….and neither is the lengths in which Stoops will go to avoid even trying one.
Bob…we need to talk. I know you have a history with this kind of stuff. I was there at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa, Alabama in 2003. OU was only up three on the Tide with about 5 minutes to go in the 3 quarter when you faked a punt on 4th and 10 from your own 15 yard line. I sat stunned as I watched Jeff Ferguson shot-put the ball to DB Michael Thompson. I remember Thompson juggling it like it was radioactive for about 10 yards before securing the ball…and a first down…but this?

After a delay of game penalty (which we won’t even get into) moved the ball back to the Horns 30, your options were as followed:

A. Attempt a 47 yard field goal. An option you took less time to dismiss than Jazz Reynolds…
B. Punt…which doesn’t make much sense when your on your opponents 30
C. Go for it. Worse case scenario being that the Horns get the ball at their own 30…or
D. Have some kid who is named after a lost animated fish attempt to throw it to a kicker.

Seriously, Bob… D? I know that the holder, John Nimmo, is listed in the program as a QB...but he is a QB that hasn’t thrown a pass in a game since well before his high school senior prom. Is the OU/TX game the right time for his coming out party? And if it is…do you really want him to throw it to O’Hara?

You don’t have confidence in O’Hara to be successful at something he actually practices all the time…is it really a good idea to expand his responsibilities to involve things he doesn’t?


Just the opinion of one mildly interested guy


The Overweight Armchair Sooner

Buddy Putty