GAMEDAY
OU vs. BYU (Dallas, TX)
“Oh, my mamma told me, there’ll be days like this” –Van Morrison
Game Day…Dress for success by The OAS
A new season means new game-day stuff for The OAS. The first item on the off-season shopping list is always the new OU game-day polo by Nike. Yes, I know that I have 30 other Sooner shirts hanging in the closet. And yes, I realize that the 2009 Nike version will differ very little from those I purchased the previous three seasons…but out of respect for the team, I just think it’s important to a least start the season wearing something you haven’t stained with mustard or puked taco bell on yet.
I usually buy my shirts on-line because it is so easy, but I do miss the reaction I use to get from store clerks when I told them I was looking for something ‘drunk casual’ in a XXL.
I am sad to report that my favorite OU visor was unable to recover from the unfortunate and tragic accident that occurred after last January’s Orange Bowl. After an exhaustive off-season search, a suitable replacement was finally found, as was a back up. Saturday I chose to wear the white visor that the store described as the ‘OU Sooners Stoops Coaching Visor’…I must have bought the BCS Bowl version of the OU Sooners Stoops Coaching visor. I am sad to report that my new favorite OU visor was unable to recover from the unfortunate and tragic accident that occurred after Saturday nights BYU game.
My brown leather OU belt coordinated beautifully with my flip-flops, proving once again that The OAS can be both sensible and stylish. The shirt, visor and belt, put me at my fan fashion limit…which is my self imposed rule of never wearing more than three clothing items at a time adorned with OU….You want the fashion look you’re throwing down to say: Look at me, I’m a serious fan…not…Look at me, I just beat up Vanna White and took all her vowels.
The OAS Game-Day Tailgate Report
I love the 6:00 PM kick-off. It just allows the whole day to fall into place.
6:00-6:01 AM: Get up…take a piss… go back to bed. 9:00 AM: Get up…turn on GameDay…go back to bed. 10:00 AM: Breakfast of donuts and bloddy-mary’s…in bed. 11:00 AM: Load enough beer and liquor into the SUV that should there be a wreck…life jackets would make more sense than seat belts Noon: Fill flasks, secure game tickets and start threatening to leave anyone that is not ready to go in exactly one hour….have a beer to calm the nerves 12:30: Call John Payne to see if he is still coming or not…drink a beer to calm the nerves. 12:40: Spend some last chance quality time in the bathroom while wondering if John Payne is going to show up or not. 1:00: Set to pull away, but no one else is ready. Have a beer to calm the nerves. Wonder if John Payne is going to be mad that I left him. 1:30 Finally leave the house to head to the tailgate spot. 1:31 Go back to the house to get whatever it was, that whoever it was forgot. 2:15 Arrive at the parking lot 2:16 hand parking pass to parking lot person (SEE PICTURE ABOVE) 2:17 parking lot person thanks you and smiles…at which time you notice the parking lot person has metal teeth 2:19: Mention to the parking lot person that you think it might be possible for Martha Stewart to make a toaster and half a blender from all the metal in his mouth. 2:20: Invite parking lot person to our tailgate. 2:21: Try not to act like I was kidding when he agrees to join us 2:22: Stare in amazement that John Payne beat me to the spot. 2:23: Apologize to John Payne for not remembering what the plan was. 2:24: Try to get my high dollar, Portable Satellite DirecTv to work 2:40: Normally reliable TV wont get reception…ask parking lot person if he would stand next to the TV and let me use his bicuspid’s as an antenna 2:50: Blow off TV and spend the next hour and a half drinking and discussing the merits of flossing with the parking lot person 4:15: Flock to the air-conditioned oasis of Jerry’s World…4:30 Successfully sneak a flask the size of a football past Barney Fife at the front door of Jerry’s World 5:00 Watch several video’s on incredible 11,500 sq ft., 60 yard long HD Jumbotron. 5:30 Start heading for the seats, which courtesy of David Barnes, are located on the 40 yard line of the club level (Thanks again, David) 5:45 Notice that seats are in the BYU section…wonder to myself if the Mormons have ever experienced hearing the f-word used as a noun, verb and adjective in the same sentence like I am capable of doing during an OU game. 5:50 buy an eight dollar cup of ice. 5:51 Poor large amount of Crown Royal over the $8 cup of ice 5:56 Watch the Sooner Schooner, pulled by Boomer and Sooner, take the field…5:59 Watch the Sooners take the field and smile for the last time all night.
Pony Poop.
Occasionally something will happen in the first few minutes of a football game that sets the tone for how things will go the rest of the night. That something is usually a turnover…a big hit…or someone returning a kick for a touchdown. Saturday night…it was pony poop.
The Sooner Schooner is a Conestoga (a fancy word for covered wagon) reminiscent of the one used by pioneers who settled the Oklahoma Territory around the time of the 1889 Land Run. The wagon, first introduced at OU in 1964, is driven by a member of the Ruf/Nek spirit squad and powered by matching white ponies named Boomer and Sooner. Are you with me so far?
Anyway, one of the traditional duties of the Schooner is to lead the team onto the field before every game….which is why the Schooner was positioned on the field near the south end-zone shortly before kickoff last Saturday night.
One of the traditional duties of a pony is to take very large dumps…which is why there was a mammoth crap positioned on the 2 yard line near the south end-zone shortly before kickoff last Saturday night.
Typical Okies, right? Invite us to a party at your brand new $1.3 billion home and what do we do? We bring along a couple of midget, albino ponies and laugh as one of them drops a 4 pound steamer on your new carpet. Hey, shit happens, right? Problem is, shit continued to happed all night…and I promise you, no one in the Sooner Nation thought it was very funny.
The Game
“Oh, the last one hurt like hell, knocked the wind right out of my sails, I’ll be alright in time, but it’s gonna leave a beauty of a scar.” --Radney Foster
Unbelievable. I don’t know whether it was the fact that: it was the opening game of the season, or that we looked so unprepared, or that our Heisman Trophy winning QB was knocked out of the game, or that the Morman’s seemed unaffected by my cussing, or that I ran out of crown in the 4th quarter…but yes, this one hurt like hell.
I spent way more time than I should of last week trying to write something about this game in the blog…something funny, or insightful or uplifting….but I had a big bag of nothing to show for it.
I have decided that there is not much need to re-live the low-lights, you know what happened and how the game ended up. I think with this game, it is best to just put it behind us....at least until my therapist returns my phone call.
Just the Opinion of one extremely disappointed Sooner fan
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Buddy Putty
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
CRIMSON AND CREAM VIEW OF THINGS
Season 5, Issue 2
“It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled…Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back, let me get it back, baby, where I come from…It’s been a long time, been a long time, been a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time…yes it has.” –Led Zeppelin
I would like to think that we all have something in our lives that moves us; an endeavor that we are fervent about. For me that something is Oklahoma Sooners football…but before I talk about why…let me point out why just a few others are not.
Thanks, but no thanks…
Reality TV. No thank you. My own life is a reality television series with more unexpected twists, turns and drama than any producer could possible conjure up…and I don’t have to even TiVo ahead to skip the commercials. Plus…I was very disappointed when I decided to watch an episode of ‘Wife Swap’. Let’s just say that it had a completely different premise than I was hoping.
Outdoor Adventure. Hiking? I really don’t see this happening. The fact that I have actually considered driving as an option when going to get the newspaper at the end of the driveway…leads me to believe that walking uphill while carrying a bunch of shit on my back is not going to ‘fan my emotional flames’. Besides, hiking usually leads to camping. I don’t think so here either. My idea of roughing it is a black and white TV at a Holiday Inn…so sleeping without central heat or air, crapping from a crouch over a log or cooking over a fire without my non-stick cookware…doesn't sound like my idea of a good time.
I thought about fishing…The sport has some positive qualities. There is no exercise involved and you can drink while you do it…but in the name of full disclosure, I have to be honest about something: Fish creep me out. Fish are all cold and slimy and have those dark, ugly, spooky eyes. The bottom line is that the only time I will touch a fish is when it is lying next to a baked potato...so unless Bill Dance is willing to come along and unhook every perch I catch, I don’t see fishing happening too often for me.
My brother-in-law is a big time, big game hunter. He has offered to take me some place north of Canada too hunt black bear. First of all, I didn’t even know there was a ‘north of Canada’…but that is of secondary concern. Bear? Really? I know Marlon Perkins makes it look easy on Wild Kingdom and all, but hunting bear seems like a lot of pressure. The last time I went hunting I was 9, so I’m thinking maybe I should start out with something a little less ‘Wide World of Sports’…like say…a squirrel or the neighbor’s cat…and not something that is going to eat me if I miss. Besides, my past experience with hunting is that it requires you to get up early, sit out in the cold, and wear camouflage…no, no and no.
Talk about passion and obsessions?...If my brother in law is any indication, then it would seem that hunters are equally as obsessed with their hobby as I am mine…only their obsession includes a loaded firearm. Is that really a good idea for me?
There is just a little something missing…
Like talent…I love to play the guitar, but it seems others are less enthusiastic when it comes to listening. The common opinion is that I suck. When I recently asked my guitar instructor to rate my progress…he advised me to take a couple weeks off…then quit all together.
Like dedication…For years now I have pledged to learn more conversational Spanish. This years excuse….Swine Flu.
Like children: I noticed that all my friends seem to enjoy being involved with the sports that their children play. Some of my friends coach, some just scream at the coach, but they all mention how much they love it. So, even though I have no children of my own, I decided to call the local youth league and volunteer to help coach a youth league team. Well, as it turns out, some parents find it strange and somewhat disconcerting when a 43 year old single male with no children of his own…shows up wanting to coach young boys. You would have thought I was Michael Jackson or a Catholic Priest with a whistle. I have been called a lot of things before, some of them were probably accurate and even deserved…but I have to draw a line here…sucks too…I bought all these new polyester coaching shorts and didn’t even get to scream at a kid.
To much of a bad thing….
I love to cook…so I have been doing more of that lately. Problem here is that my culinary point of view seems to involve a lot of butter and bacon. Red wine has always been a passion of mine…so I have been trying to slowly rebuild what was once a respectable collection…which is good, because slowly is definitely the way it is going. I continue to keep violating the basic fundamental rule of collecting, which is keeping more wine than you drink.
I have also grown an affinity for good cigars. I joined a Cigar Club and really like going there in the afternoon for a cigar and a cocktail or two. I realize cigar smoking is not the healthiest addition, but hey, what’s one more vice at this point? I can hear my make-believe therapist now: “What…over-weight and drunk wasn’t enough, so you decided to add shortness of breath to the mix?” Bitch
Moderation: to lessen the intensity or extremeness of….
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am not a big fan of moderation. Hate it actually. To me moderation is like a colonoscopy…a big giant pain in the ass that unfortunately becomes more and more necessary with age.
Yesterday, I orchestrated a make-believe Freud session to poke a little fun at myself. I am a passionate person. I know I am a little over the top at times. I am either all in or could absolutely care less. A bit manic I realize, but it is what it is. That passion has been both friend and foe to me in life….opening many doors of opportunity…slamming shut some others. Not much moderation going on here.
When you are emotionally all in, you open yourself up for disappointment, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Taking risk is what makes the reward so sweet.
So as a passionate fan who was all in…watching the Sooners come up short against Florida was a disappointment, a little depressing. But would you rather be a Baylor fan and not ever worry about disappointment, or have a shot at glory knowing that falling short has its consequences? That one is easy for me....I will buy a new lamp every time.
But for me, the reality is this…I was going to be depressed either way. While a Sooner victory and National Championship would have been wonderful, it would not change the fact that the next day the college football season would still be over.
In my life, OU football cannot be reduced to a mere game… no doubt I am passionate about what happens between the lines, but I am even more passionate about what happens outside of them. Sooner football is where new friends are made and more importantly my oldest friendships are renewed. It is where I get a chance to watch my friends children grow up…while at the same time watching my friends spend the day pretending like they haven’t. Sooner football games have been the backdrop for some of my greatest memories, emotional highs and lows, and the stage for which some of the craziest things in my life have happened. It will no doubt be the stage for which new favorite memories will be born. Sooner football is about life….my life anyway, and to me that is something worth being a little over the top for. I am trying to justify an obsession? Rose colored glasses? No…mine are crimson & cream.
Yes, it’s been a long time since I rock and rolled…time to get it back…its been a lonely, lonely, lonely time…yes it has. Put away your moderation…it time to rock and roll
Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
Buddy Putty
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Season 5, Issue 2
“It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled…Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back, let me get it back, baby, where I come from…It’s been a long time, been a long time, been a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time…yes it has.” –Led Zeppelin
I would like to think that we all have something in our lives that moves us; an endeavor that we are fervent about. For me that something is Oklahoma Sooners football…but before I talk about why…let me point out why just a few others are not.
Thanks, but no thanks…
Reality TV. No thank you. My own life is a reality television series with more unexpected twists, turns and drama than any producer could possible conjure up…and I don’t have to even TiVo ahead to skip the commercials. Plus…I was very disappointed when I decided to watch an episode of ‘Wife Swap’. Let’s just say that it had a completely different premise than I was hoping.
Outdoor Adventure. Hiking? I really don’t see this happening. The fact that I have actually considered driving as an option when going to get the newspaper at the end of the driveway…leads me to believe that walking uphill while carrying a bunch of shit on my back is not going to ‘fan my emotional flames’. Besides, hiking usually leads to camping. I don’t think so here either. My idea of roughing it is a black and white TV at a Holiday Inn…so sleeping without central heat or air, crapping from a crouch over a log or cooking over a fire without my non-stick cookware…doesn't sound like my idea of a good time.
I thought about fishing…The sport has some positive qualities. There is no exercise involved and you can drink while you do it…but in the name of full disclosure, I have to be honest about something: Fish creep me out. Fish are all cold and slimy and have those dark, ugly, spooky eyes. The bottom line is that the only time I will touch a fish is when it is lying next to a baked potato...so unless Bill Dance is willing to come along and unhook every perch I catch, I don’t see fishing happening too often for me.
My brother-in-law is a big time, big game hunter. He has offered to take me some place north of Canada too hunt black bear. First of all, I didn’t even know there was a ‘north of Canada’…but that is of secondary concern. Bear? Really? I know Marlon Perkins makes it look easy on Wild Kingdom and all, but hunting bear seems like a lot of pressure. The last time I went hunting I was 9, so I’m thinking maybe I should start out with something a little less ‘Wide World of Sports’…like say…a squirrel or the neighbor’s cat…and not something that is going to eat me if I miss. Besides, my past experience with hunting is that it requires you to get up early, sit out in the cold, and wear camouflage…no, no and no.
Talk about passion and obsessions?...If my brother in law is any indication, then it would seem that hunters are equally as obsessed with their hobby as I am mine…only their obsession includes a loaded firearm. Is that really a good idea for me?
There is just a little something missing…
Like talent…I love to play the guitar, but it seems others are less enthusiastic when it comes to listening. The common opinion is that I suck. When I recently asked my guitar instructor to rate my progress…he advised me to take a couple weeks off…then quit all together.
Like dedication…For years now I have pledged to learn more conversational Spanish. This years excuse….Swine Flu.
Like children: I noticed that all my friends seem to enjoy being involved with the sports that their children play. Some of my friends coach, some just scream at the coach, but they all mention how much they love it. So, even though I have no children of my own, I decided to call the local youth league and volunteer to help coach a youth league team. Well, as it turns out, some parents find it strange and somewhat disconcerting when a 43 year old single male with no children of his own…shows up wanting to coach young boys. You would have thought I was Michael Jackson or a Catholic Priest with a whistle. I have been called a lot of things before, some of them were probably accurate and even deserved…but I have to draw a line here…sucks too…I bought all these new polyester coaching shorts and didn’t even get to scream at a kid.
To much of a bad thing….
I love to cook…so I have been doing more of that lately. Problem here is that my culinary point of view seems to involve a lot of butter and bacon. Red wine has always been a passion of mine…so I have been trying to slowly rebuild what was once a respectable collection…which is good, because slowly is definitely the way it is going. I continue to keep violating the basic fundamental rule of collecting, which is keeping more wine than you drink.
I have also grown an affinity for good cigars. I joined a Cigar Club and really like going there in the afternoon for a cigar and a cocktail or two. I realize cigar smoking is not the healthiest addition, but hey, what’s one more vice at this point? I can hear my make-believe therapist now: “What…over-weight and drunk wasn’t enough, so you decided to add shortness of breath to the mix?” Bitch
Moderation: to lessen the intensity or extremeness of….
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am not a big fan of moderation. Hate it actually. To me moderation is like a colonoscopy…a big giant pain in the ass that unfortunately becomes more and more necessary with age.
Yesterday, I orchestrated a make-believe Freud session to poke a little fun at myself. I am a passionate person. I know I am a little over the top at times. I am either all in or could absolutely care less. A bit manic I realize, but it is what it is. That passion has been both friend and foe to me in life….opening many doors of opportunity…slamming shut some others. Not much moderation going on here.
When you are emotionally all in, you open yourself up for disappointment, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Taking risk is what makes the reward so sweet.
So as a passionate fan who was all in…watching the Sooners come up short against Florida was a disappointment, a little depressing. But would you rather be a Baylor fan and not ever worry about disappointment, or have a shot at glory knowing that falling short has its consequences? That one is easy for me....I will buy a new lamp every time.
But for me, the reality is this…I was going to be depressed either way. While a Sooner victory and National Championship would have been wonderful, it would not change the fact that the next day the college football season would still be over.
In my life, OU football cannot be reduced to a mere game… no doubt I am passionate about what happens between the lines, but I am even more passionate about what happens outside of them. Sooner football is where new friends are made and more importantly my oldest friendships are renewed. It is where I get a chance to watch my friends children grow up…while at the same time watching my friends spend the day pretending like they haven’t. Sooner football games have been the backdrop for some of my greatest memories, emotional highs and lows, and the stage for which some of the craziest things in my life have happened. It will no doubt be the stage for which new favorite memories will be born. Sooner football is about life….my life anyway, and to me that is something worth being a little over the top for. I am trying to justify an obsession? Rose colored glasses? No…mine are crimson & cream.
Yes, it’s been a long time since I rock and rolled…time to get it back…its been a lonely, lonely, lonely time…yes it has. Put away your moderation…it time to rock and roll
Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
Buddy Putty
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
DEFEAT, DESPAIR & OFF-SEASON REPAIRS
Season 5, Issue 1 (8/24/2009)
“Just when every ray of hope was gone...I should have known that you would come along…I can’t believe I ever doubted you…my old friend the Blues.” –Steve Earle
January 8th, 2009
Florida Gators 24 Oklahoma Sooners 14
January 9th, 2009
Therapist: “I see your back for your annual January counseling session?”
The Overweight Armchair Sooner (The OAS): “That is not funny. This is serious, I am very depressed.”
Therapist: “Your right, it’s not funny. The fact that you continue to let yourself get so emotionally invested in a game played by mere kids, is not only unhealthy, it is sad.”
The OAS: “Wow, gloves are off early Doc. I was hoping you might be a little more supportive.”
Therapist: “Offering support has not seemed to work with you. You are supposed to be an adult. Instead you are like the Benjamin Buttons of football fans, the older you get the younger you act. Your emotional well being and the physical well being of those around you should not be contingent on things like whether or not a 5’1” 145 lbs., nineteen year old kid can kick a ball through iron posts.”
The OAS: “Stupid kickers.”
Therapist: “And that is another thing…most humans with their priorities in tact would not call these kids names. Why can’t you support your team in a positive manner…making physical threats of violence against a student athlete and/or his mother is a bit excessive don’t you feel?”
The OAS: “But we…”
Therapist: “We? Do you play on the team now? Look, it is one thing to be disappointed when the team you “support” loses…but quite another when it results in a two day hangover, hand written apologies, and a trip to Home Depot.”
The OAS: “I didn’t like that lamp anyway, besides I was so tired of hearing about the ‘perfect’ Tim Tebow. Tebow this, Tebow that, visits orphans, jumps tall buildings, helps old ladies cross the street. Sickening. Did you know he has publicly stated that he is a virgin? What? Are you kidding? Here’s a thought Timmy; why don’t you take a TV time-out from your gig as an African orphanage candy striper…and go get yourself laid? The kids will still be hungry tomorrow. Hell, if it will help your conscious, I will even mail a buck in your name to Sally Struthers so she can fill in for you. What good does it do you to have a Heisman trophy, if you are not going to use it to get laid? Clearly he has to be gay or have some fetish for farm animals”…I’m just sayin’.
Therapist: “….that is wrong on so many levels that I don’t even know where to start…other than by saying, you’re a moron. So let me get this straight, any person that has values and morals is a loser and either gay or a goat lover?”
The OAS: “I was thinking more sheep, but OK.”
Therapist: “Well, that gay, goat loving virgin sure kicked your ass last night, didn’t he?”
The OAS: “Am I really paying for this?”
Therapist: It’s time to grow up, Buddy. Nobody thinks it’s funny anymore.
You need a hobby, some other interests, some balance. Spend the off-season growing as a person…then come back and see me.
The OAS: OK Doc, I’ll try. Any thoughts on how I should get started?
Therapist: Yes…by writing me a check for $125.
...Next: Offseason Hobby Hunting with The OAS
Boomer,
Buddy Putty
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
If you would like to e-mail this to someone, click on the envelope link below
Season 5, Issue 1 (8/24/2009)
“Just when every ray of hope was gone...I should have known that you would come along…I can’t believe I ever doubted you…my old friend the Blues.” –Steve Earle
January 8th, 2009
Florida Gators 24 Oklahoma Sooners 14
January 9th, 2009
Therapist: “I see your back for your annual January counseling session?”
The Overweight Armchair Sooner (The OAS): “That is not funny. This is serious, I am very depressed.”
Therapist: “Your right, it’s not funny. The fact that you continue to let yourself get so emotionally invested in a game played by mere kids, is not only unhealthy, it is sad.”
The OAS: “Wow, gloves are off early Doc. I was hoping you might be a little more supportive.”
Therapist: “Offering support has not seemed to work with you. You are supposed to be an adult. Instead you are like the Benjamin Buttons of football fans, the older you get the younger you act. Your emotional well being and the physical well being of those around you should not be contingent on things like whether or not a 5’1” 145 lbs., nineteen year old kid can kick a ball through iron posts.”
The OAS: “Stupid kickers.”
Therapist: “And that is another thing…most humans with their priorities in tact would not call these kids names. Why can’t you support your team in a positive manner…making physical threats of violence against a student athlete and/or his mother is a bit excessive don’t you feel?”
The OAS: “But we…”
Therapist: “We? Do you play on the team now? Look, it is one thing to be disappointed when the team you “support” loses…but quite another when it results in a two day hangover, hand written apologies, and a trip to Home Depot.”
The OAS: “I didn’t like that lamp anyway, besides I was so tired of hearing about the ‘perfect’ Tim Tebow. Tebow this, Tebow that, visits orphans, jumps tall buildings, helps old ladies cross the street. Sickening. Did you know he has publicly stated that he is a virgin? What? Are you kidding? Here’s a thought Timmy; why don’t you take a TV time-out from your gig as an African orphanage candy striper…and go get yourself laid? The kids will still be hungry tomorrow. Hell, if it will help your conscious, I will even mail a buck in your name to Sally Struthers so she can fill in for you. What good does it do you to have a Heisman trophy, if you are not going to use it to get laid? Clearly he has to be gay or have some fetish for farm animals”…I’m just sayin’.
Therapist: “….that is wrong on so many levels that I don’t even know where to start…other than by saying, you’re a moron. So let me get this straight, any person that has values and morals is a loser and either gay or a goat lover?”
The OAS: “I was thinking more sheep, but OK.”
Therapist: “Well, that gay, goat loving virgin sure kicked your ass last night, didn’t he?”
The OAS: “Am I really paying for this?”
Therapist: It’s time to grow up, Buddy. Nobody thinks it’s funny anymore.
You need a hobby, some other interests, some balance. Spend the off-season growing as a person…then come back and see me.
The OAS: OK Doc, I’ll try. Any thoughts on how I should get started?
Therapist: Yes…by writing me a check for $125.
...Next: Offseason Hobby Hunting with The OAS
Boomer,
Buddy Putty
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
If you would like to e-mail this to someone, click on the envelope link below
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
HELLO AGAIN
Season 5, Intro Edition
Welcome to season five of The Overweight Armchair Sooner. For anyone new to The OAS, this is nothing more than a personal blog or journal. Started in 2005 and distributed to all of 20 people, I figured it might last a week…now sites are offering me money to advertise on it. Crazy. Built around my passion (some would argue obsession) for Oklahoma Sooner football, this blog is an attempt to express my emotions and write about two things I love...OU football and me. Cheaper than therapy, this is a place where I can go and try to make myself (and hopefully others) laugh. Where I can rant and rave or maybe just get away from life for a while. Amazingly or sadly, depending on your outlook…my life seems to have no problem providing an endless supply of material from which to work with…and in the rare instance that the actual occurrence wasn’t enough… The OAS is not above a little embellishment.
For those who have been around for a while, thank you. Your support, feedback, criticism and accolades have made this one of the most rewarding and enlightening things I have ever done. Last year, real life got in the way and I stopped making time for this journal. That was a mistake. Making time for what makes us happy is an important part of life…at least for me anyway.
Yes, I am no doubt obsessed with OU football. Is the obsession over the top? Probably. I will poke some fun at that in Issue 1 tomorrow, but explain while I am not ashamed of it in Issue 2 the following day.
Thanks again to all. I look forward to seeing everyone in Dallas for the BYU game...looks like we have a chance to be really good again.
Boomer Sooner
Buddy Putty
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
ADMINISTRATIVE NOTES
If you received this, then obviously you are on my email list. If you know of anyone that you think might like to receive The OAS, please forward me their email. If you have an alternate email you would rather I use, let me know….and also…in all seriousness…If you do not want to receive updates this year, for whatever the reason, I understand… please let me know, and I will remove you from the list.
I will also be posting a link on Facebook when new updates are ready…I also plan to start circulating a “Fan of the Overweight Armchair Sooner” link on Facebook as well…as soon as I figure out how. If you know of any other way for me to self-promote, I am always open. It’s all about me!
Season 5, Intro Edition
Welcome to season five of The Overweight Armchair Sooner. For anyone new to The OAS, this is nothing more than a personal blog or journal. Started in 2005 and distributed to all of 20 people, I figured it might last a week…now sites are offering me money to advertise on it. Crazy. Built around my passion (some would argue obsession) for Oklahoma Sooner football, this blog is an attempt to express my emotions and write about two things I love...OU football and me. Cheaper than therapy, this is a place where I can go and try to make myself (and hopefully others) laugh. Where I can rant and rave or maybe just get away from life for a while. Amazingly or sadly, depending on your outlook…my life seems to have no problem providing an endless supply of material from which to work with…and in the rare instance that the actual occurrence wasn’t enough… The OAS is not above a little embellishment.
For those who have been around for a while, thank you. Your support, feedback, criticism and accolades have made this one of the most rewarding and enlightening things I have ever done. Last year, real life got in the way and I stopped making time for this journal. That was a mistake. Making time for what makes us happy is an important part of life…at least for me anyway.
Yes, I am no doubt obsessed with OU football. Is the obsession over the top? Probably. I will poke some fun at that in Issue 1 tomorrow, but explain while I am not ashamed of it in Issue 2 the following day.
Thanks again to all. I look forward to seeing everyone in Dallas for the BYU game...looks like we have a chance to be really good again.
Boomer Sooner
Buddy Putty
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
ADMINISTRATIVE NOTES
If you received this, then obviously you are on my email list. If you know of anyone that you think might like to receive The OAS, please forward me their email. If you have an alternate email you would rather I use, let me know….and also…in all seriousness…If you do not want to receive updates this year, for whatever the reason, I understand… please let me know, and I will remove you from the list.
I will also be posting a link on Facebook when new updates are ready…I also plan to start circulating a “Fan of the Overweight Armchair Sooner” link on Facebook as well…as soon as I figure out how. If you know of any other way for me to self-promote, I am always open. It’s all about me!
Monday, November 3, 2008
TWO CHICKS, A GUY…AND NO PLACE TO HIDE
Friday, September 26th
When it comes to the fun things in life, my motto has generally always been “the more the merrier”. I work off of the reasonable assumption that if one or two is a good thing, then think how good thirteen must be. Yes, right or wrong, The OAS is almost always in favor of the excess.
Since rarely, if ever, do pretty woman not fall squarely in the fun category, I had absolutely no problem with the fact that my girlfriend Molly invited her long time friend and sorority sister Molly Wise Beaham to ride down with us to the OU-TCU game.
Me and a couple hot chicks on a road trip…It seemed like the type thing that most all guys would be fine with, right? I mean seriously, what could possibly go wrong?
OK, maybe I might have to listen to some chick trash talk… stories about “what a whore this girl was, or what a bitch that girl was”…or maybe I would have to feign interest in “how cute this one ATO was or how big a crush was had on some Beta”. I might even have to endure a little 80’s karaoke hell if they decide they want to vocally reminisce to the likes of Wham, George Michael or Mr. Mister. But I figured I could handle it…even if the trip turns into an 85 mph version of St. Elmo’s Fire, at least I know what waits at the end: Sooner football.
In retrospect, I should have heard the hints that suggested that maybe this was not such a good idea….like when Molly1 told me earlier in the week that Molly2 was thinking about not going because she was “not in very good spirits”. I didn’t realize at the time that “not in very good spirits” is the female code phrase for she currently has the human compassion of Hitler. Clearly, I didn’t get it. “She’ll be fine” I responded. And she was…and then she wasn’t.
THE 5 HOUR ROAD TRIP
“Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.”
~William Shakespeare
And speak they did. The journey began much as I predicted. Molly1 & Molly2 started with the year 1983 and covered everything from first loves to last rites. Look, very few people on earth like to talk as much as I do…but I was amazed. I swear my ears were bleeding before we even got out of Kansas. While I admit that some of the stories were entertaining, and others quite enlightening…some were just plain gross and uncalled for.
Some ideas and images are sacred…I would never go to one of their homes and tell one of their kids that there was no Santa, at least not on purpose…so why they felt the need to give me a verbal documentary on the effects child birth has on the female vagina is a mystery. Seriously, why was it necessary to destroy me like that?
I am woman! I am invincible! I gotta pee again!”
~The OAS
We literally had to stop every 30 miles so that one of them could go “we-we” or “potty”. Look girls, just because you call it some cute name doesn’t make it any less irritating to stop.
In revenge and in love, woman is more barbaric than man is
-Friedrich Nietzsche
After listening to these two yammer on and on about all the devious things they did to former boyfriends, I don’t feel quite so bad about some of my past behavior. Let me confirm what some of you guys may have already suspected…women are evil. Any man who doesn’t think a woman will use sex, or lack there of, as a way to incur personal gain, strengthen leverage or exact revenge…is either gay, dating Aunt Bea or an idiot.
“Be to her virtues very kind, be to her faults a little blind”.
~Matthew Prior
The trip was turning out to be a better time that I had anticipated it being…and for some reason I seemed to be on my best behavior. When they needed to stop at a restroom, I did so with a minimal amount of contempt. I tolerated music, opinions and unsolicited advice that I normally would not have. I listened to their endless stories, offered opinion or insight when asked and seldom interrupted either of them. And while it was a struggle at times, I even managed to keep my sarcastic comments and barbs to a bare minimum. Yep, I was being a normal adult and playing well with others. With only 60 miles to go, I figured we were home free…Well, not so much.
I’m not sure I have ever seen a social setting change as dramatically and suddenly as this one did….which is really saying something considering some of the Sybil Hall of Famers I have watched in action. In a matter of seconds, everything I had done the last 4 ½ hours went up in a hormonal inferno. I was so close too, but in the end the temptation to be a smart ass was just too much to resist. I guess I just couldn’t help myself.
It was one little opinion. It didn’t seem to matter that the comment was a generalization. The fact that it was objective, rational and well articulated seemed to matter little either. All I know is that my comment set off an exorcism type reaction from the back seat like few I have ever seen.
I got to admit, I was somewhat impressed by the degree of psycho-ness that was involved in Molly2 performance. Her voice was in an octave so high that it was only audible by canines and maybe a few hump back whales. Her eyes were an impressive mixture of tears and hate….and the way she was shaking was of award winning caliber. Watching her in the rearview mirror was part comical, part terrifying and part surreal.
To be honest, I was a little confused. I don’t think I have ever had someone I was not dating go off on me like that…plus I wasn’t even going to get the satisfaction of breaking up with her…hell, she is married to someone else!
Anyway…my reaction and response was going to be pretty critical in how this played out. Clearly, what the situation called for was for me to say absolutely nothing until she emerged from her enraged trance…at which time I could explain that I was misinterpreted and apologize for upsetting her. Silence would also be beneficial for my relationship as well. I should keep in mind that this is a friend of Molly’s who is clearly a tad bit sensitive about the issue I just verbally walk on. To push the situation further would only put Molly deeper into what is already a very uncomfortable and awkward situation. Yep…It was easy to see what I needed to do…be the bigger person and take the high road.
I said easy to see, not easy to do. Have You Met Me? If you have, you know that the scenario described above had a less than zero chance of happening. There was no way I would be able to just say nothing…especially since this is one of those rare time when I am actually not the one at fault. Besides, it just seemed like to much fun to pass up. Quickly I decided on a strategy that would let me alternate back and forth between laughing at her and pouring salt into the overly sensitive wound I had exposed….
But it turns out; rubbing it in her face was by no means an easy task….this girl is a professional. Since she rarely took a breath or quit screaming at the decibel level equivalent of a storm siren, it was hard to insult her with any kind of rhythm. It also takes the fun out of it for me when they are to wacked out to fully grasp the cleverness of my insults. It might have been the piercing death stare or the fact that Molly1 had sunk her nails about 2” into my right arm, but I was beginning to notice that she was not enjoying the Springer on Wheels episode….at all.
Now Molly2 wants out of the car at the next exit, which I had absolutely no problem with. As she moved into full hyperventilation mode… she began speed dialing her husband over and over like Kelvin Sampson trying to call a recruit (great, now I am going to have to fist fight him when I get back).
Finally I had to pull over…which would make it the 12th stop of the trip, but first without someone having to go “wee-wee”…although Molly may have wet her pants at some point during our “dialog”.
In between Molly2's air gasping requests to be dropped off somewhere, I asked her to calm down. I explained to her that Guthrie did not have an airport, she really didn’t seem a Greyhound Bus type babe, and unless she wanted to spend some extended quality time with the good folks at the upcoming Circle K…hanging with us was her best option
…and then just like that, it was over….like it never happened….In a thirty second span she went from being Linda Blair to talking about what she wore to Beta Barn Dance in 1986.
Feeling lucky, like a surfer who had just survived a shark attack, I didn’t say another word the next 58.6 miles….But eventually most attacked surfers brave the waters again, because surfing is what they do…Sunday, we will all have to drive back to KC…will I keep my mouth shut?......................Surfs Up
Molly2...I hope you are still not mad at me....had a good time, well, for most of the time anyway....thanks for all the good material. :)
Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Friday, September 26th
When it comes to the fun things in life, my motto has generally always been “the more the merrier”. I work off of the reasonable assumption that if one or two is a good thing, then think how good thirteen must be. Yes, right or wrong, The OAS is almost always in favor of the excess.
Since rarely, if ever, do pretty woman not fall squarely in the fun category, I had absolutely no problem with the fact that my girlfriend Molly invited her long time friend and sorority sister Molly Wise Beaham to ride down with us to the OU-TCU game.
Me and a couple hot chicks on a road trip…It seemed like the type thing that most all guys would be fine with, right? I mean seriously, what could possibly go wrong?
OK, maybe I might have to listen to some chick trash talk… stories about “what a whore this girl was, or what a bitch that girl was”…or maybe I would have to feign interest in “how cute this one ATO was or how big a crush was had on some Beta”. I might even have to endure a little 80’s karaoke hell if they decide they want to vocally reminisce to the likes of Wham, George Michael or Mr. Mister. But I figured I could handle it…even if the trip turns into an 85 mph version of St. Elmo’s Fire, at least I know what waits at the end: Sooner football.
In retrospect, I should have heard the hints that suggested that maybe this was not such a good idea….like when Molly1 told me earlier in the week that Molly2 was thinking about not going because she was “not in very good spirits”. I didn’t realize at the time that “not in very good spirits” is the female code phrase for she currently has the human compassion of Hitler. Clearly, I didn’t get it. “She’ll be fine” I responded. And she was…and then she wasn’t.
THE 5 HOUR ROAD TRIP
“Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.”
~William Shakespeare
And speak they did. The journey began much as I predicted. Molly1 & Molly2 started with the year 1983 and covered everything from first loves to last rites. Look, very few people on earth like to talk as much as I do…but I was amazed. I swear my ears were bleeding before we even got out of Kansas. While I admit that some of the stories were entertaining, and others quite enlightening…some were just plain gross and uncalled for.
Some ideas and images are sacred…I would never go to one of their homes and tell one of their kids that there was no Santa, at least not on purpose…so why they felt the need to give me a verbal documentary on the effects child birth has on the female vagina is a mystery. Seriously, why was it necessary to destroy me like that?
I am woman! I am invincible! I gotta pee again!”
~The OAS
We literally had to stop every 30 miles so that one of them could go “we-we” or “potty”. Look girls, just because you call it some cute name doesn’t make it any less irritating to stop.
In revenge and in love, woman is more barbaric than man is
-Friedrich Nietzsche
After listening to these two yammer on and on about all the devious things they did to former boyfriends, I don’t feel quite so bad about some of my past behavior. Let me confirm what some of you guys may have already suspected…women are evil. Any man who doesn’t think a woman will use sex, or lack there of, as a way to incur personal gain, strengthen leverage or exact revenge…is either gay, dating Aunt Bea or an idiot.
“Be to her virtues very kind, be to her faults a little blind”.
~Matthew Prior
The trip was turning out to be a better time that I had anticipated it being…and for some reason I seemed to be on my best behavior. When they needed to stop at a restroom, I did so with a minimal amount of contempt. I tolerated music, opinions and unsolicited advice that I normally would not have. I listened to their endless stories, offered opinion or insight when asked and seldom interrupted either of them. And while it was a struggle at times, I even managed to keep my sarcastic comments and barbs to a bare minimum. Yep, I was being a normal adult and playing well with others. With only 60 miles to go, I figured we were home free…Well, not so much.
I’m not sure I have ever seen a social setting change as dramatically and suddenly as this one did….which is really saying something considering some of the Sybil Hall of Famers I have watched in action. In a matter of seconds, everything I had done the last 4 ½ hours went up in a hormonal inferno. I was so close too, but in the end the temptation to be a smart ass was just too much to resist. I guess I just couldn’t help myself.
It was one little opinion. It didn’t seem to matter that the comment was a generalization. The fact that it was objective, rational and well articulated seemed to matter little either. All I know is that my comment set off an exorcism type reaction from the back seat like few I have ever seen.
I got to admit, I was somewhat impressed by the degree of psycho-ness that was involved in Molly2 performance. Her voice was in an octave so high that it was only audible by canines and maybe a few hump back whales. Her eyes were an impressive mixture of tears and hate….and the way she was shaking was of award winning caliber. Watching her in the rearview mirror was part comical, part terrifying and part surreal.
To be honest, I was a little confused. I don’t think I have ever had someone I was not dating go off on me like that…plus I wasn’t even going to get the satisfaction of breaking up with her…hell, she is married to someone else!
Anyway…my reaction and response was going to be pretty critical in how this played out. Clearly, what the situation called for was for me to say absolutely nothing until she emerged from her enraged trance…at which time I could explain that I was misinterpreted and apologize for upsetting her. Silence would also be beneficial for my relationship as well. I should keep in mind that this is a friend of Molly’s who is clearly a tad bit sensitive about the issue I just verbally walk on. To push the situation further would only put Molly deeper into what is already a very uncomfortable and awkward situation. Yep…It was easy to see what I needed to do…be the bigger person and take the high road.
I said easy to see, not easy to do. Have You Met Me? If you have, you know that the scenario described above had a less than zero chance of happening. There was no way I would be able to just say nothing…especially since this is one of those rare time when I am actually not the one at fault. Besides, it just seemed like to much fun to pass up. Quickly I decided on a strategy that would let me alternate back and forth between laughing at her and pouring salt into the overly sensitive wound I had exposed….
But it turns out; rubbing it in her face was by no means an easy task….this girl is a professional. Since she rarely took a breath or quit screaming at the decibel level equivalent of a storm siren, it was hard to insult her with any kind of rhythm. It also takes the fun out of it for me when they are to wacked out to fully grasp the cleverness of my insults. It might have been the piercing death stare or the fact that Molly1 had sunk her nails about 2” into my right arm, but I was beginning to notice that she was not enjoying the Springer on Wheels episode….at all.
Now Molly2 wants out of the car at the next exit, which I had absolutely no problem with. As she moved into full hyperventilation mode… she began speed dialing her husband over and over like Kelvin Sampson trying to call a recruit (great, now I am going to have to fist fight him when I get back).
Finally I had to pull over…which would make it the 12th stop of the trip, but first without someone having to go “wee-wee”…although Molly may have wet her pants at some point during our “dialog”.
In between Molly2's air gasping requests to be dropped off somewhere, I asked her to calm down. I explained to her that Guthrie did not have an airport, she really didn’t seem a Greyhound Bus type babe, and unless she wanted to spend some extended quality time with the good folks at the upcoming Circle K…hanging with us was her best option
…and then just like that, it was over….like it never happened….In a thirty second span she went from being Linda Blair to talking about what she wore to Beta Barn Dance in 1986.
Feeling lucky, like a surfer who had just survived a shark attack, I didn’t say another word the next 58.6 miles….But eventually most attacked surfers brave the waters again, because surfing is what they do…Sunday, we will all have to drive back to KC…will I keep my mouth shut?......................Surfs Up
Molly2...I hope you are still not mad at me....had a good time, well, for most of the time anyway....thanks for all the good material. :)
Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
2008 OU Texas
2008 #1 Oklahoma vs. #5 Texas
For a couple days, I just couldn't deal with the thought of having to write anything about this game. I was devastated (I can't even imagine how the players and coaches must feel). I didn't watch ESPN or read a sports page until Tuesday. I had a really good time the entire weekend, but that final score sat in the pit of my stomach like a 7-11 burrito...It wasn't until yesterday that I started to come around a little bit.
Begrudgingly, I will admit it was a great game. This was my 25th straight Red River Rivalry, and if there was one with more intensity, drama, big plays, questionable calls, key coaching decisions and shifts in momentum...well, I cant remember it. I also would say this...I wish that anyone who ever felt like this game should be played on a home and home basis instead of neutral site, would have been in attendance last Saturday. The intensity of the momentum swings and the deafening reaction by one end of the Cotton Bowl or the other...was exhibit A as to why this is the greatest spectacle in college sports.
Usually I have very little to draw on from the actual game itself...but this one had so many things to talk about, comment on, second guess, relive, try to forget that it became over whelming when I sat down at the computer to blog it out. My first rough draft was longer than War & Peace and I was only at halftime. Since even my mom wouldn't even read that much of my b.s., I decided to narrow the focus. It is still kind of long, but at least it is no longer an Oliver Stone film.
I decided to concentrate on what I felt were the three biggest game changing moments on the field....and with an attempt at some humor, give you a feel for how those manic momentum shifts on the field were effecting those in the stand. Rarely do I comment on my blogs...but I laughed harder writing this one than I have in a while...this was truly therapeutic for me...hope you can find a chuckle or two for yourselves.
(AOL no longer has a blog site, so this is a new format and link. I am still working out some kinks on things like pictures. At the end of the blog, there is a link you can cut and paste. That will take you to a picture album. The pictures and captions are pretty good this week IMO)
Big Moment #1...Ship-ley Sets Sail Coast To Coast
13:14 remaining in the second quarter, ¾ crown left in the flask. Ryan Broyles scores with an assist from Jermaine Gresham. Sooner side: New Years Eve in Times Square. Longhorn side: Church. Red side: momentum; Orange side: degradation. Bradford is finding his groove. Ryan Reynolds can still walk. I have not even come close to offending anyone yet…Life is good. Score: Oklahoma 14 Texas 3.
What could of happened next: With the wind at his back, the Sooners kicker does his job and kicks the ball out of the end zone…the defense holds them like they had since the first drive…the offense gets the ball back in decent field position because the Horns were forced to punt into the wind…Bradford throws for another score…The band plays Boomer Sooner…OU fans watch as half the Longhorn fans go drink beer with Big Tex…I am the happiest, funniest and most popular guy in section 203.
The only problem with that scenario is that our kickoff team sucks. They are the worst in the country, ranking 107th out of 107. How can the #1 team in the country possess the worst kickoff unit in the country…especially when they get to practice it 7 or 8 times a game? Well, I’m glad you asked.
To begin with, our “kick-off specialist” is just plain bad. Sorry to criticize a 20 year old kid, but hey…the guy has one job on this team: kick the ball far. Direction is of no concern. Even though it lists him as a kicker in the program, he is not going to kick field goals or extra points…we have another dude for that. His job is pretty simple….go out to the 30 yard line and place a football on a tee…when the TV network has returned from peddling Ford trucks and feminine hygiene products, the referee will point at him…at which point he is now free to kick the shit out of it.
What did happen next: I truly don’t think you can over estimate the significance of what happened next. It changed the game, the season and more than likely the title hopes of both schools…and it all happened in a span of 13 seconds.
The kick was short and the Sooner coverage was nonexistent…the result was sudden and painfully predictable. Jordan Shipley broke right and went untouched through a massive hole in the Sooner kickoff coverage…that left only one person between him and the OU end zone...our kicker…yeah, like that’s gonna happen.
The Longhorn band plays Texas Fight, Longhorn fans chant OU Sucks. Red Side Reaction: the kind of reaction a man would have if he suddenly realized the woman in the porno he is watching is his wife. Ecstasy turns to anger instantly. Orange Side Reaction: Like watching Kurt Cobain turn into Zig Ziegler. 46,500 Horn fans go from suicide watch to highly motivated maniacs.
The OAS has a meltdown. On a scale of 1-10, this one was about a 7. I incurred 1 point deductions for the following: I did not accidentally harm myself, no decorative accessory and or window treatment was destroyed, and I was still allowed to remain in the Cotton Bowl.
The above average rant did results in about half my cocktail relocating onto the back of the chick in front of me… the whisky that defied gravity and returned to my cup, was quickly power pounded. The chick is wet, smells like booze and not happy. A guy who only seconds earlier was high 5-ing me, now seems to have a problem with a few of my adjectives choices and my inability to juggle whisky. My response to his comments put an end to any future friendship reconciliation. No doubt my popularity in section 203 has taken a hit. F-ing kicker.
Score: OU 14 Texas 10…Game on
Big Moment #2...Sooners in Knee-d
Evidently whatever suggestions the coaches offered at half-time were well received…Sooner D forces Texas to go three and out to start the second half. The Horns punt and the subsequent Broyles return has the Sooners setting up shop at mid-field.
11:45 left in the 3rd quarter, Bradford hits Manuel Johnson, who takes it the final 14 yards for the score. The momentum had been all Texas since the Longhorn Invitational Track Meet Kickoff return that happened early in the second quarter. This early 3rd quarter TD gives it back to the Sooners. Red Side: Frat Party. Orange Side: Root Canal.
The OAS mood: Due to the stress, my first cocktail of the second half is going down faster than the Dow Jones. I have also noted that this is a very unforgiving group here in section 203. Besides Molly, the only person who is still willing to high five me is the blue haired lady down a row and to my right. She has to be living in God's waiting room cause she is old enough to be Bud Wilkinson's grandmother. She has a hearing aid the size of a softball…which explains why she still likes me...Clearly, she just can’t hear me. Molly suggests that I not high five her hand so hard next time because she is still shaking it. “I didn’t cause that” I said, "father time did"...I know, I'm going to hell, but its not like I won't know anyone when I get there.
Score: OU 28 Texas 20
Again, prosperity would not last long. During the next possession, the Sooners would suffer a devastating loss. Ryan Reynolds goes down with his 23 torn ACL when a Longhorn player inadvertently rolled up the back of his leg (OK, its his 3rd, but sure seems like more for the poor kid). Reynolds, a luckless junior linebacker from Vegas, moves past Jason White to become the all-time school leader in torn ACL’s. (In a serious note…you have to feel for this kid…he has spent his entire career in the rehab room. With this being the third, you wonder if he will ever play another down…I wish him the best…God Speed Ryan.)
Reynolds has been the heart and sole of the Sooner defense so far this season…never was that more apparent than after he left the game: (A) The Horns would drive 83 yards over the next 11 plays to pull within one. (B)The Horns averaged 4.6 yards per play before the injury, 8.3 after. (C) Texas outscored OU 25-7 after he left (D) I drank my crown at 3.6 sips per minute before, 8.6 after. (E) My Tourettes kicked in at an average of once per 10 plays before, every other play after the injury.
When it comes to recognizing a player by their jersey number, I am like Rain Man. #40: no problem. That is red-shirt freshman, 5th string fullback Buck Buchanan; a walk-on from Putnam West. Buck likes to sing in the church choir and take long walks at dusk. Buck is a Libra, who spends his free time volunteering down at the senior citizens center. But when I look up from watching Trapper John and Marcus Welby work on Reynolds knee and see number 48 in the game…I had a big bag of nothing. I had to throw ice at the blue hair because she couldn’t hear me ask to borrow her program…but finally on page 53…Brandon Crow, Sophomore linebacker from Comanche, OK. One minute witness protection program, the next, he is trying to play linebacker in the biggest game of the year.
It was not pretty…I haven’t seen the stats, but I am willing to wager that Brandon Crow had the same number of tackles as: The Black Crows, The Counting Crows, The Scarecrow, Velcro and Cheryl Crow. I think we can all agree that Mr. Crow is not the answer at middle linebacker. Where was Austin Box? Balogun? Bryant? Buehler? Buehler, anyone Buehler?
BIG PLAY #3...”KNALL & VOID”
4th quarter. While the Sooners are clinging to a one point lead on the field; my nerves and sobriety are getting run ruled in the upper deck. Unable to pick up a first down to keep their drive going, the Sooners faced 4th and 6 near mid-field. Unwilling to leave my seat for fresh ice, I am imbibing what looks and tastes like warm dirty gold fish water…As you can see, Bob and I are facing similar dilemmas.
For Stoops the safe call, the one that 98% of the coaches in the country would make, is to punt the football. But even the safe call can bring consternation. Do you have confidence in your punter and his ability to pin the Horns deep? More importantly, once the ball has left your punters foot, do you feel confident enough in your defense that the next time you see it you won’t be down by 2, 3, 6 or even 7 points?
For the OAS, the safe call, the one 98% of adults would make, would be to set down the cup. But even the safe call can bring insecurity. Do I have the confidence in my ability to handle this stress without my liquid binki? More importantly, once it left my hand and rested on the ground, was I confident enough in my ability to not kick it over....the result being no whisky for the final six, seven, even eight minutes?
Evidently, Bob looked over at the bench and saw Ryan Reynolds talking to the entire staff of Gray's Anatomy...Venables introducing himself and the defensive scheme to Lamont Robinson... and Brandon Crow still talking to himself…"Screw that" he must have thought, "I’m faking it".
Evidently, The OAS looked over and saw…oh hell, who am I kidding, I could have looked over and saw Elvis talking to Marylin Monroe...but there was never a chance I was going to set the whiskey down...I'd just be faking it.
For Stoops and the Sooners, it almost worked. In fact, if All-American TE Jermaine Gresham holds his block another nano-second instead of turning around to see where Knall was, then Knall probably doesn't run into him and come up inches short. If.
Honestly, I thought that the call seemed a little desperate, and not just because it didn't work. The Sooners were winning the game at the time...with the ball at mid-field logic says kick it deep and hold them. The decision to fake it spoke LOUDLY...Stoops had little or no trust in his defenses ability to hold Texas…and justifiable so since Venables had yet to find a way to adjust to the four receiver set that the Longhorns were using for the first time all year. If Venables did suddenly have an answer...any adjustments made at this point would have to be done with a Lamont and a Crow in the lineup.
I realize he was going for the element of surprise…but I would love to know if he ever considered having the offense go for it. Maybe use a play that they had worked on all week for just this type situation…then again maybe that was the play they worked on all week.
I am just a second guessing over served fat guy sitting in the upper deck, but I think I take my chances with Bradford, Iglesias, Gresham and Johnson over a punter who looks like he is on the same dietary plan as I am.
The OAS: I swear I almost shot the dirty gold fish water I was drinking out my nose when I saw Knall "take off". I will say that he was kinda shifty for a guy who had never run more than 2.5 steps with the football before...that is until he ran into Gresham. It was a good effort, but in the end, like our other kicker...he left the ball short of where we needed him to get it.
The play has left me discombobulated. Just the fact that I just watched a guy that looks like Wally Cleaver try to carry our National Championship hopes 6 yards has left me feeling dizzy. My gut feeling, along with the entire Longhorn bench tells me he came up short...but going postal would be premature at this point. Molly has already gone into full alert crisis mode by trying to talk me back in off the ledge before I have even stepped out on it. It was short of course. Molly went to get me more ice, probably because she didn't want to witness any violence...but I just stood there. I needed a hug...but I couldn't get the blue-haired lady's attention.
The Horns would go score...and hold the Sooners...(with field position being about the same, why was Stoops willing to go for it when he was up by one...but not when they were down by three?)...and then the Horns iced it on a 62 yard run by Obiwankanobi...or what ever his name is. Ball Game....Texas 45 Oklahoma 35...The OAS 2.5
The post game fair in never as fun when you lose. You deal with the Texas fans, just like they have to deal with us when they lose...its part of the deal...you know how it is going to go, so you just suck it up. Good time was actually had. I was proud of how many Sooner fans stuck around at the fair.
Dinner Friday night was great...the pregame party at the picnic tables...as always was entertaining...
There is a lot of football left to be played....Time to Rock the Jayhawks
PICTURES
Cut and paste the following link to visit the OU-Texas Photo album
Just The Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
The Oveweight Armchair Sooner
Buddy Putty
Monday, October 6, 2008
OU vs. Baylor Week 5 Recap
Scatter-shooting with the OAS:
Fox Sports Network.
Direct from the more is not always better department: FSN. How many FSN networks do you need? FSN Midwest, FSN Southwest, FSN South, FSN North Pole, FSN West Central Region of the Original 13 Colonies…evidently every time Lewis & Clark crossed a creek bed FSN felt the need to name a sports channel for it. They can call their channels whatever they want, the OAS just calls them…bad.
Let me start with the pre-game show….make that the Kyocera Big 12 Football Saturday Big Show, brought to you by KFC. This show is a joke. Basically, one guy sits there and listens to another guy in a really bad suit sing bad jingles, make off-base predictions and laugh out loud for no apparent reason.
Next…Is it too much to ask that the network come back from a commercial in time for the viewers to see the first play from scrimmage after a time out? No less than 5 times a play was missed due to the networks inability to return from commercial break on time. Look, oversized on-screen graphics imploring me to eat the Colonels’ original recipe or buy from Overstock.com I can tolerate if not ignore…but suffering through another erectile dysfunction commercials while Baylor is running the kickoff back into Sooner territory is something I have “a hard time gettingup for” if you will excuse the pun.
Then there are the announcers: Bill Land & Gary Reasons. I’m sure these are nice guys. They probably never forget their wedding anniversaries, brake for cats and squirrels, and are a big hit with the other dads on Indian Princess over-night outings…but they are the ultimate B-team when it comes to broadcast duo’s. Granted, OU beating up Baylor, and starting before Good Morning America is over, is not something you send Michaels and Madden to commentate, but seriously, is this duo the best you got?
OU vs. Baylor (Week 5)
The Baylor Bears are the Washington Generals of the Big 12 South. With the win, Oklahoma is now 18-0 all-time against Baylor, with the average margin of victory in Waco being 35.5 points a game.
OFFENSE
57 seconds into the game it was 7-0. After one quarter it was 28-0. If there was a mercy rule in college football, the game would have been called off…everyone could go get their snow cones and go home. From that point, OU played with a predictable diminished level of intensity, but all in all, it was as good an effort as you could ask for considering it was Baylor…and the fact Texas was up next.
QB
Bradford was again, very good. I have found that I pretty much take for granted how well he plays…so much that I am shocked when the sophomore makes a mistake…like when he was intercepted at the goal line early in the game…It was a bad read and throw, but the play was over turned by a questionable call against Baylor.
When OU is up comfortably in the 4th quarter, why Stoops insists on not only playing Bradford, but also having him throw the ball is very scary to me.
RB’s
DeMarco Murray just does not seem to have the same burst that he did previous to dislocating his knee cap. He is always slipping and stumbling…and seems to be ankle tackled quite often. Chris Brown is dependable, but not a break away threat…We need to be able to run the football against Texas or it will be more of a ball game than Sooner fans would wish for.
WR’s & TE
Much to the delight of Manuel Johnson, teams have decided to double team TE Gresham, leaving Manny running free. Iglesias caught one for a long TD, but dropped another one that ended up being an INT. Big effort is needed from this group this week...including the re-emergence of Ryan Broyles.
OL
Hopefully the injury to C Jon Cooper is not serious. This unit played well, as Bradford was hardly pressured the entire day. While the running game was consistent but not spectacular, I view that as more of an issue with the backs than I do the o-line.
Defense
DL
Please tell me that Gerald McCoy is not seriously hurt and will be able to play against the Horns this week. If he can’t go, the Sooners might be in real trouble defensively. The DL played well early, getting penetration and knocking Baylor QB Griffin around some…but later on gave up to many yards to the young playmaker.
LB
For the second straight game, the Linebackers played very well…but as mentioned last week, the mid-term exam at the Cotton Bowl will determine where this group stands. Keenan Clayton had his best game as a Sooner with double digit tackles.
DB’s
This was like a holiday for the Sooner DB’s…Brian Jackson is starting to look like a shut down type corner. Against Texas, the key to the game may be the ability of this group to support the run while at the same time not have guys run by them resulting in big plays for the Horns passing game.
Special Teams
Kickoffs were better…but the wind was a big help…Stoops still seems reluctant to go for a long field goal, instead opting to go for it…Punter Knall was better, but needs to be more consistent with placement kicks.
OU vs Texas
Nothing better in college sports than OU-Texas. This year it is #1 ranked and undefeated Oklahoma vs. #5 ranked and undefeated Texas in Dallas for the 103rd Red River Rivalry.
It is the 4th time since 2000 that both teams enter the game undefeated and ranked in the top 5…In 4 of the last 8 games; the winner has played in the BCS National Championship Game.
ESPN’s College GameDay will be broadcasting live outside the Cotton Bowl.
The Cotton Bowl has under-gone several renovations since last year’s game. Several restrooms have been added, concourses have been widened, scoreboards have been renovated and seating capacity has been expanded to 92,100. (Click or cut and paste the following link to see a video of the improvements made to the Cotton Bowl).
http://www.dallasnews.com/video/dallasnews/sports/index.html?nvid=283307
Molly and I head for Dallas on Thursday morning….would love to hear from anyone who is going to Dallas and what, if any, plans that have been made. If there is enough interest, I would be willing to have a cocktail party at my parents place on Friday afternoon.
Prediction
OU 37 Texas 20
Boomer Sooner….Beat Texas…
Just the Opinion of One Mildly Interested Guy
The Overweight Armchair Sooner
Buddy Putty
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